


only then | byler

by jsikook



Category: Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Mike Wheeler, But mostly angst, Byeler - Freeform, Depression, Eating Disorder, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Will Byers, Homophobic Slurs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Max is a Lesbian, Mileven is a thing in the beginning, Poor Will, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Set After Season 3, Suicidal Thoughts, but mike also wants to protect will, byler, detailed kiss scenes, like very VERY angsty, mike is oblivious, mike is very neglectful, mike wheeler - Freeform, mike’s kinda an asshole, stranger things, will byers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2020-06-29 21:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jsikook/pseuds/jsikook
Summary: will just wants mike to love him the way he loves him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk where this is going tbh lmao i usually don’t post on ao3 but i thought why not?? so yep. comments would be appreciated! :)

Summer went by in the blink of an eye. Fall rolled around, and the leaves changed from bright greens to deep oranges, reds and browns. The air became cooler, and the clouds covered the now grey skies. The plants started to die one by one, and the leaves fell down in piles onto the ground. 

It was easily Will’s favorite season. He loved everything about it. From the chilly weather - not extremely cold but just enough, to the warm colors and how beautiful it looked outside. Around this time of year was also his favorite holiday, Halloween. There was something just so amazing and fun about dressing up as someone or something else for the night, and getting tons of candy from random strangers. Even though he was growing up, he knew that trick-or-treating was something he could never outgrow. 

It was like an escape for him, in a weird way. It was one night where he didn’t have to be himself. He didn’t have to be Will Byers, the boy who came back to life, Zombie boy, the boy who was stuck in the Upside Down for a week and possessed by a monster. As sad as it sounded, he felt happier when he was someone else. Everyone seemed to have treated him like he was a disease that would spread if you got near him ever since he came back from the Upside Down. So yes, it was nice to get away from having to deal with everyone’s rude looks and hushed whispers.

Even though Fall was Will’s favorite season, and he should be joyful and cheerful about it, he was anything but that.

Will forgot the last time he felt happy. Truly happy, that is. Sure, he had faked happiness before. He did it every day. He put on a smile, laughed when everyone else did, went along with their jokes. He pretended that he was okay. Pretended that his mind wasn’t eating him alive, that his dark thoughts didn’t keep him up every night, that his heart didn’t ache from seeing the person he was in love with, be in love with someone else. He had been this way for a while. It just had never been this bad before. He would lay awake at nights, wondering what it would be like if he were dead. The pain would stop, he wouldn’t have to feel this fucking defeated and sad all the time. Maybe he was selfish for wanting to die. Not caring about how it would affect the people around him if he left this world. He was only thinking about the horrible suffering he felt everyday he woke up. About how it would all be gone if he wasn’t breathing anymore.

He could feel himself slowly wasting away. But no one seemed to notice, or care. Maybe he was just a really good liar. Maybe he was just really good at faking his happiness that no one could see through his mask. Anyways, he didn’t blame them. He knew it wasn’t their fault he was so depressed and down in the dumps. He felt like a burden to them - a dark cloud hovering over them, an anchor always pulling them down. They seemed to be living their best lives. They were always so happy; big, bright smiles on their faces. Genuine smiles.

Dustin hung out with Steve a lot, always telling everyone in the Party fun and humorous stories they had experienced together. He seemed to be having the time of his life, making the best of every moment. Dustin had also talked with Suzie more, pratically calling each other 24/7. She seemed like a really sweet, and funny girl. Will was happy that his friend had found a girlfriend that made him smile.

Despite Lucas and Max breaking up with one another, both of them seemed to be very happy and bright. Maybe even more brighter than when they were together. When their red-haired friend told everyone that she liked girls, they were all extremely surprised. I mean, she had dated Lucas, who was a boy... but none the less, she was a lesbian. Even though they were shocked, they didn’t have a problem with her sexuality. It changed nothing. She was still the badass, fun Max she had always been. Lucas was a little hurt at first, but accepted it in the end. Him and Max were still great friends, and that was all he could ask for.

And Mike and Eleven were more clingly, and in love than ever before. Ever since Will and Eleven had moved back to Hawkins, they hadn’t been seen without each other. They practically spent everyday with one another, never leaving each other’s sides.

Will hated it.

He hated everything about it. He knew that he was stupid, and had no right to be so angry at them. But he couldn’t help but feel jealous. Jealous of Eleven. He wanted to be her. He wanted to hold Mike’s hand, and spend every day with him. He wanted to pull him close, and feel how his lips felt against his own. He wanted to be the one Mike looked at. The one who Mike loved.

But this wasn’t some fairytale. This was reality, no matter how cruel and horrible it was. And the reality was that Mike loved Eleven and Eleven loved Mike. Of course it was like this, this was how it always was. A boy being in love with a girl. Of course Mike wouldn’t like Will, who was also a boy. The shorter male knew that he was gay, he had known for a long time. He had beat himself up about it in the beginning. Why can’t I just be normal?, he had thought. But now he had come to terms with it. He was a boy who liked boys. He knew that it wasn’t the norm, and most didn’t accept gay people. He had stayed awake at night, trying to talk himself out of it, trying to think about girls. He thought girls were pretty, of course, but he just couldn’t bring himself to think of him being with one romantically. He had come to terms with the fact that he would just have to lie his life a lie, and pretend that he liked the opposite sex. He knew that people would hate him even more if they found out he was gay, so he planned to just keep it to himself for the rest of his life.

Will also knew that Mike was straight. Painfully straight, in fact. He was head over heels for Eleven. He practically couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, never shutting up about how perfect and amazing she was. He only ever looked at her. Will yearned for Mike to look at him like that. To love him in the way that the shorter boy loved him. Every time he saw Mike kiss Eleven, or speak to her in such a loving way, his heart stung. He envied her, he wanted to be in her place so bad that it hurt. He hated himself for loving Mike so much. Why do I care so much about someone who loves someone else way more than me?, he thought to himself.

Ever since Eleven came back, he seemed to have forgotten about Will. Only talking to him and paying attention to him when Eleven wasn’t around. The younger felt like a second choice, like he didn’t matter that much to Mike anymore. It sure seemed like it. He wondered what happened to going crazy together? He was going crazy by himself, all alone. He missed his best friend, the old Mike Wheeler. The one who always checked up on Will, and worried about him 24/7. He seemed to have disappeared - he was far gone now.

Will felt useless.

No one saw how he was barely holding on. Even though he had faked his happiness, and lied to everyone, some small part of him wished that his friends would notice. A cry for help. Everyday, he was struggling to find a reason to live. Sure, he had friends who loved him and a family who cared for him, but the pain he felt inside overruled everything. Nothing was as strong as the suffocating feeling he felt in his chest all the time.

He felt paranoid, always looking behind his shoulder and never wanting to be alone in the dark for a long period of time. He felt like a baby. And everyone treated him like one too. Ever since the Upside Down and being possessed by the shadow monster, he lived almost every day on edge. The young boy felt like none of this would ever end, it would always just come back and hurt him even worse. Nothing would get better. He felt like the world was against him. Why did it always have to be him? Why did he have to go through so much pain? What has he done wrong?

He felt everything, and nothing at the same time. Like he felt so many emotions, that he couldn’t feel anything anymore. Late at night, when he was locked in his room, he would stay awake and cry in his room, deep in his thoughts. The times where he was alone were the scariest. He was afraid of what he would do to himself. Dark things clouded his mind, overthrowing any positive or logical thoughts.

Everyday felt like such a task. He was exhausted to say the least. He was so tired of everything. He hated waking up every morning and having to go through the same routine. He was living his life in autopilot, doing everything without even thinking or putting any effort or emotion into it. He started to care less and less about himself. He would not eat anything to the point where he felt dizzy, and nauseous, and forcing himself to have something to eat. Eating was just pointless, he thought. He was going to die anyways, so why do it?

Will knew that things wouldn’t ever get better, even though people had told him countless things that they would. Talking to people never really helped him. His mind was stubborn and he knew the truth.

He could feel himself slipping away from everyone, and he was hoping that someone, anyone, would catch his hand and stop him from falling.


	2. I’M A LIABILITY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT PROOFREAD

Will tries to drown out the sounds of his friends voices as he stares blankly in front of him.

It’s a rather hot day, even though it’s Autumn. The heat could be mistaken for summer weather easily. It was a bright day, the yellow sun beaming down on them. The sky was a beautiful light blue, and the clouds were white and puffy. 

Since it was such a nice, hot day, the kids had decided to go out and shop around while eating ice cream. It would’ve sounded fun to anyone else expect Will. All he really wanted to do was lay in his bed and just go to sleep. It was one of those days. One of the days were he felt oddly worse than he usually did. Despite not wanting to go, he sucked it up and got out of bed, joining his friends at the mall. Just get through this for a few hours, and then you can go back to sleep, he told himself. Just hold all the sadness in for a while. Then you can go home and lock yourself in your room by yourself, and let it all out.

But today, he had a hard time even pretending that he was okay. He didn’t know why but he just felt even more off and weird than usual. He struggled to smile, and laugh along with the whole gang. He usually didn’t have any problems with faking his happiness, but he couldn’t seem to get a grip of himself today.

They were currently outside the mall, just hanging around and eating their ice cream that they had just ordered. Well, everyone but Will. He had refused, saying that he was not hungry. Truthfully, inside, his stomach rumbled viciously but he just didn’t feel like eating. He didn’t see the point in it. He was too exhausted and tired to bother. 

Mike and Eleven were staring into each other’s eyes, and bumping into one another not-so-discreetly. They shared hushed whispers, and laughed amoungst theirselves. They looked so happy with each other. Will envied them. He was to be joking around and having fun right now. His heart aches as he looked at Mike reach up and pat Eleven’s head softly. He had a hard time trying to hide the face that he was jealous, his eyes constantly flashing over in their direction. His eyes found the ground, trying to tear his attention away from them. Looking at them together, all happy, would only make him more sad. 

Dustin and Lucas were aruging about what ice cream flavor was the best, while everyone else stood and just laughed in amusement at the stupid debate.

“Obviously, Chocolate Chip is the best. Everyone loves it, you can’t deny that. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like Chocolate Chip,” Dustin argued, taking a bite out of his ice cream and nodding his head in delight of the taste.

Lucas scrunched his face up in disgust. “Literally Chocolate Chip is just Vanilla with little hardened Chocolate in it. So therefore, Vanilla is the best. It’s the practically the same thing,” he said confidentially, folding his arms. “And who takes a bite out of their ice cream? You’re so weird...,” he adds, cringing at the sight.

Dustin sighed, almost laughing at Lucas’ response. “First of all, the chocolate is what makes it so good. Without it, it’s just plain Vanilla. That’s nasty, and boring,” he said, rolling his eyes. “And a bunch of people bite their ice cream. I know I’m weird but it’s not because I eat my ice cream a different way,” he states, amusement on his face. 

“Whatever,” Lucas says, knowing that he isn’t gonna win this fight. Dustin was just too passionate about it. “Just shut up and eat your chocolate chip ice cream, and I’ll eat my vanilla one.” 

Will closed his eyes, trying to make the sounds of their voices disappear. All he could focus on was the pounding sound of his head, and how sweaty he felt. He could practically feel the sweat layering his skin. He felt uncomfortable, and exhausted. He hadn’t even done that much today, so why was he so tired? He opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. The ground below his feet seemed to be spinning, and his vision was getting blurry. His breathing started to pick up, feeling suddenly like it was hard to breathe. He felt light-headed, his bones resembling jelly. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything expect the nauseating feeling inside of his stomach.

He blinked his eyes vigorously, trying to shake the feeling away from him but his vision just started to get more blotchy. He could feel his hair sticking to his neck from how hot he felt. Oh no, he thought, please don’t pass out right now. If he collapsed, his friends would just start to worry about him and he didn’t want that. He would be an even bigger burden on them than he already was. 

“Will?,” he heard someone say, but their voice sounded far away like they were inside a tunnel or something. It sounded like Max’s voice maybe? It was a feminine voice for sure. But Will couldn’t focus on it. He tried to fight off the feeling of dizziness.

“Will!,” another voice exclaimed loudly, closer this time. Dustin. “Are you okay?,” he asked, staring at the boy across from him with wide eyes. 

Will struggled to find the strength to talk. He was too busy trying to not pass out. Why am I feeling like this all the sudden?, he thought. He could feel his legs shaking beneath him, almost about to give out. He felt so weak and exhausted even though he hadn’t been doing anything that required a lot of energy today.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Will?,” it was Mike. His voice was soft, and tender when speaking to the younger boy. He had always used that voice when speaking to Will. His voice was etched with worry, and concern. “Hey, are you feeling alright?You look really pale. Are you gonna be sick?,” he asked, worried about the state of his friend. Sweat was covering his body, and his skin was abnormally pale. 

Will tried to focus on Mike’s voice, and his comforting hand on his shoulder. But the feeling of fatigue was strong, and his breathing became even more uneven. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down in any way possible. But it didn’t work.

He faltered, and his legs gave out. But before he hit the ground, he felt Mike’s arms around him as he caught the smaller boy. The older boy was surprised at how light Will was – it being extremely easy to catch him. Mike slowly and carefully sat him down onto the ground. 

Everyone else rushed over to him, and kneeled down by his side, concern plastered across their faces. 

“Oh my gosh,” Mike gasped, still holding onto Will’s small frame. He looked deeply into the younger boy’s eyes, trying to get Will to look at him. But the boy’s eyes looked blankly at the ground, his chest heaving up and down violently. “Are you okay?,” Mike asked, shaking his the small boy slightly. Will could hear him, but he felt like he was far away, not able to answer. “Talk to me, please. Let me know if you’re okay,” he begged, trying to get Will to answer him.

Will groaned, shaking his head. He couldn’t find the strength to use his voice. He knew that he was far from okay right now, but he still wanted to pretend like he was fine. He had probably ruined his friends fun day out. It was all his fault. 

Eleven reached up and laid her hand onto the boy’s forehead, attempting to check his tempature. “He’s burning up,” she commented, looking over at Max. “Someone go get him some water.” The red-headed girl wasted no time in standing up, and quickly heading over to one of the drink machines and getting a bottle of water out of it. 

Will lifted his head weakly, looking as Max rushed back to him with water in her hand. He cursed to himself. Now he had gotten his friends all worried, and he knew that they would be on his case for a while now. He knew that he had to try and pretend that he was okay, even though his head was pounding and he felt anything but okay. His friends probably wouldn’t believe him, but it was worth a try anyways.

“I-I’m okay...,” he stuttered, his voice hoarse and croaky. It was so quiet that he himself barely even heard it. He lied, hoping that everyone would believe him. 

They didn’t.

“No, you’re not,” Max said, reaching out to hand the smal boy the cup of water. He shook his head, refusing to take it. When Will didn’t accept the cup, she put it up to his lips, and said, “Come on, just take a little sip. It will make you feel better, Will.” 

Will flinched when the cup hit his lips, pulling back from it, and turning his head to the side to avoid it. “N-no,” he said quietly, “I said I-I’m fine.” There was no point in lying because everyone could already see the horrible state he was in. His voice was barely a whisper, feeling to weak to talk. And his clothes and skin were drenched in sweat, burning up. 

“Don’t lie,” Mike said, his voice soft and comforting. The shorter boy snapped his head in the direction of his crushes voice, surprised to hear him speak. Mike’s hand was no longer resting on Will’s shoulder. But his face was etched in worry and concern about his friend. He hated seeing Will like this - it broke his heart. “We just saw you almost pass out, something’s obviously wrong. Maybe you’re dehydrated - so drink some of the water,” he said carefully, not wanting to make the younger boy feel upset or forced. But there was an edge to his voice, almost as if he was begging Will to take the water. 

Will looked at Mike for a moment, staring at him unsurely. Does he even know what he does to me?, the small boy thought. He hated how the taller boy looked at him so tenderly and sweetly with those beautiful eyes. He hated how he spoke to him in that soft, worried voice. He hated how it made his heart ache. 

“For me,” Mike whispered lowly, as if he didn’t want anyone to hear it. “Please,” he muttered, giving the smaller boy a comforting, and reassuring smile. 

His heart fluttered at the sight of the older’s sweet smile. Will gave in almost immediately, hesitating only for a second. How could he keep being so stubborn when Mike whispered those words to him? The younger boy thought that he would’ve done anything if Mike wanted him too. 

He nodded, pulling his gaze away from Mike’s and taking the cup from Max. His hands shook slightly as he put the cup up to his lips, and engulfed the water weakly. It did feel refreshing, but he couldn’t shake off the lightheaded feeling inside of him. 

When the boy finished drinking all of the water, Dustin spoke up, “We should go home. Will probably needs to rest.” 

The others nodded in agreement, concerned about the boy’s health.

Guilt immediately hit Will in the face, feeling bad about ruining their day. He was such a burden on everyday. He couldn’t go anywhere without messing things up. This is why he never left his room, and kept to himself. He hated being the one to mess things up for everyone. The young boy didn’t want to put his problems onto anyone else. He cared more about his friends then his own self.

He shook his head. “N-no, let’s stay here. I’m okay now, guys. I swear. We can keep shopping. I’m 100% fine,” he tried to reassure everyone. But he sounded pretty desperate, and he clearly wasn’t okay still. 

Everyone was quick to shake their heads in response, telling him that they knew he wasn’t okay. “It’s okay, Will. We can always shop another day. We care about your health more than clothes and ice cream,” Max stated, laughing lightheardtly. 

“But-,” he started to argue once again, but Mike cut him off. 

“But nothing,” the black-haired boy stopped him. “Like what Max said, we can always go out together another day. You need to go home and rest so you’ll feel better,” he stated, a protective and warm tone to his voice. 

Mike grabbed the shorter boy’s arm tenderly, and helped him get up from the ground, steadying him on his feet. He wrapped a hand around the small  
boy’s shoulder, not letting go, making sure he wouldn’t fall again. 

“Let’s go,” Dustin said, waving his hands. And they all started to walk back to the Byer’s house, leaving the mall. 

As they traveled back to his home, Will’s mind went down a dark road. He hated himself. He hated that he had ruined everyone’s day. It was a beautiful sunny day and it was suppose to be such a fun and exciting day for everyone, but Will had messed it up for everyone. He knew that he shouldn’t have even come. Something like this was bound to happen. He fucked up everything.

He felt even worse than he had already did.  
If that was even possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like it so far!! let me know!


	3. HATE TO LOVE YOU

Will wanted to be alone.

He wanted to lock himself up in his room by himself, and go to sleep. He didn’t want to talk to anybody, or have to lie. Lying usually wasn’t a problem for him. He had gotten so good at it over the past few years. But today is was oddly difficult to pretend he was okay. He was just so frustrated with being sad all the time, he wondered why he couldn’t be happy like everyone else. 

He didn’t even feel like crying. It was getting to the point where he was too numb inside to do so. And that scared the shit out of him. When did he become so dead inside? When did he stop caring about anything? The old Will was well gone, and he wasn’t sure when, if ever, he was going to come back. 

He knew that he was a disappointment to everyone. He wondered if his friends and family had noticed that he had changed. If they did, they didn’t dare say anything to him about it. Those close to him knew what he had went through with the Shadow Monster and the Upside Down so they were, naturally, soft on him. They were afraid to be mean or snappy with the young boy because they knew of the traumatizing things that happened to him. 

Of course, Will was thankful that they cared enough about him to be thoughtful and understanding. But he couldn’t help feeling like they were babying him. He felt like a child. Everyone treated him like some kind of glass vase that would break at any moment. He felt so small, and dumb when they spoke to him in that tender, soft voice. He knew that they had no bad intentions with it, but it made him feel like he was a small child who needed to be protected 24/7, instead of a teenager. 

When the Shadow Monster left his body at first, everyone was checking up on him constantly and making sure he was okay. He was the center of attention. He recalled how Mike would always be by his side, making sure that he was okay. Whenever he remembered how the older boy held his hand - how soft his skin felt against his own, how it fit perfectly into his -, his cheeks warmed up. Mike basically had spent everyday with him, never leaving his side. It made Will feel special. It made him feel like he was actually worth something. Maybe someone cared about him...

But when Eleven came back everything changed.

Mike almost immediately stopped hanging out with the younger boy. He was rarely in sight. The black-haired boy went from being with Will all day to being with Eleven instead. It was like he never cared about Will anyways. The shorter boy was just some toy that Mike used only when he needed him. Only when his girlfriend wasn’t around. He wondered if the older boy had lied when he said the best thing he ever did was become friends with Will. It probably was.

Will felt like some piece of trash that Mike had forgotten about, and threw away.

He had tried to hate Eleven, but he couldn’t. She was just so terribly nice and sweet to him. And that made it even worse. He wished that she was a horrible person so it was easier to hate her. But he didn’t. He didn’t even dislike her. She was such a caring, and gentle person towards everyone.

It sucked even more that she lived with him. Sure, he liked having her around. But only when Mike wasn’t over at their house at the same time.

Everytime the taller boy came over, he would just hang out with Eleven. Will used to get his hopes up that Mike would be coming over to see him only, but he had always been let down. Now, when he visited, Will just automatically assumed that the boy was going to see El. He was usually right.

No matter how many times he had been ignored and neglected by Mike, no matter how many times Mike treated him like he was nothing to him - it still hurt more everytime. It was like getting pricked with a thousand little needles. It was like lying on the grass and feeling knives in his back. Even though it had happened countless times, it never failed to affect him so harshly.

Mike was an asshole, no doubt. He treated Will like trash. Hell, not even just Will. He would ignore all his other friends, and barely hang out with them. And it was all because of one person. Eleven. No, it wasn’t Eleven’s fault - it was 100% the black-haired boy’s. Mike had an obsession with his girlfriend. An healthy one at that. He would drop everything to hang out with the girl. Will recalled all of the times that him and Mike would be hanging out, and having fun together, and then Eleven would call and he’d leave with no hesitation. It would leave the shorter boy feeling like he was nothing. Like he was worthless.

Despite all of this - the pain, the neglection -, Will still loved Mike. He wanted to be the one the older boy hung out with all the time. He wanted to be the one to put a smile on Mike’s face. He wanted to hold his hand, and kiss him. But he knew that he would never be that person. He was in love with Mike. And he hated himself for it. Why couldn’t he be normal? Why couldn’t he just love girls like all of the other boys his age? If the taller boy knew that Will loved him, he would probably make the older feel uncomfortable. Mike surely wouldn’t want to be friends with him anymore. I mean, they were best friends. And it’s weird if you find out that your best friend, someone that means the world to you, is in love with you. And it’s even weirder if they are the same gender as you.

So that’s why Will planned to keep it to himself. He would just live his life a lie, and suffer in pain silently. He has done it for so long already.

The small boy’s mind darkened at these thoughts, and all he wanted to do was crawl inside his covers and take a long, long nap with no one around. But that’s the opposite of what he was doing right now.

After he had almost passed out at the mall, everyone had decided to take him home, thinking that it was better for him to take a rest. When they arrived at his house, everyone left him to be alone. Well, everyone expect Mike and Eleven. Of course El would’ve stayed at the house, cause it was also her home too. But Mike insisted that he stay with the younger boy, and make sure that he was okay.

Will had tried to tell the older boy that he didn’t need to stay with him, but there was no point. Mike had been set on staying by the shorter boy’s side, saying that he wanted to be with him if he needed help with anything.

Will would be lying if he said his heart didn’t flutter when Mike said that he wanted to stay with him. A wave of nostalgia went over him, thinking about how the older boy used to always be by his side, caring for him. It was true that he hated when people babied and worried about him, but he thought that it wasn’t so bad when Mike was the one who did it. It made him happy inside - a feeling that he thought he would never feel again.

Now here they were. All three of them - Will, Mike and Eleven - sitting down on Will’s bed.

Eleven was pressing a wash cloth to the young boy’s forehead, cooling him down. He had been sweating a big amount, and the girl wanted to make sure that he wasn’t extremely hot anymore. Will did still feel quite warm, but it wasn’t unbearable. Mike was sitting down next to him, just staring at the younger boy, still obviously very concerned about him. He had been oddly quiet since the other kids left. He barely spoke any words to Will or Eleven, just sitting on the bed stiffly and watching the two of them carefully.

Will thought it was weird, but he didn’t say anything about it. He was still feeling a little lightheaded, and was focusing on trying not to almost pass out again.

Will tried to push Eleven’s arm away from him, not wanting the wash cloth on him anymore. “I’m fine. I don’t need that anymore,” he tried to explain to her. He was getting his voice back, and he sounded a little stronger now.

Ultimately, Eleven ignored his words. She pushed his hand that was blocking his forehead away, and layed the cloth onto him. “You’re still hot,” she commented. “Please, put it on your forehead. Just for a minute, okay?,” she said eagerly, giving a small smile to the boy.

Will sighed, giving in. He knew that El was a stubborn girl, just like him, so he knew there was no point in arguing with her. She would just win in the end anyway. “Fine,” he breathed out, slouching his shoulders in defeat.

She smiled, and muttered a small “Thank you” to him, and successfully laid the cloth on his forehead without any fighting.

A few moments passed, them filled with Will and Eleven bickering like siblings. Eleven was busy worrying about the small boy, and he wanting her to stop it.

Then all of the sudden, Mike spoke up.

“Hey, El,” he said, his voice unusually quiet. He looked up at her, looking almost guilty. “Can I talk to Will alone for a minute?,” he asked, hesitating for a second.

Will and Eleven both looked at each other, mildly confused. I mean, the taller boy had barely even said anything the whole time and just now, he spoke up out of the blue. After a second of just staring at one another, Eleven turned her attention to Mike.

“Uh, sure,” she said, puzzled. She stood there for a moment, frozen in place, Mike and Will staring at her blankly, waiting for her to leave. She unfroze suddenly, and backed up towards the door, exiting. “I’ll, um, be in the living room if you need me.”

Mike nodded, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly.

When the door shut, a silence engulfed the room. The two of them sat side-by-side, only a few feet between each other. No one said anything at first, they both just stared at the ground in front of them. Will was waiting for him to say something, since Mike was the one who wanted to speak with him without Eleven in the room.

The younger was nervous. He hasn’t been alone with Mike in a while, since the taller was always off with Eleven somewhere. Why did he want to talk to me alone?, Will thought. Mike was probably mad at him about something. What if he had found out that I like him?, the boy thought. But no, no, that can’t be it. I haven’t made it that obvious. Or have I? Will tried to shake those thoughts out of this mind. Surely, the older didn’t know. He was just overthinking.

When the silence started to grow uncomfortable, Will decides to speak up. “Hey,” he said suddenly, piping up, smiling, and turning towards the boy next to him. “Thanks for saving me from El, she can get annoying sometimes...,” he stated, trying to lightened the mood.

Mike untensed for a moment, and laughed lightheartedly. “Yeah, no problem. You’re right, she can get kinda irritating sometimes,” he said, smiling back at the younger boy.

But then his smile disappeared, and he got more serious, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater nervously. “But, uh, that wasn’t the reason I wanted to be with you alone...,” he said, his voice softening. He was visibly uncomfortable. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Without anybody around,” he said, looking back down at the ground.

Will’s heartbeat started to pick up at the words “wanted to talk to you about something.” His mind immediately jumped to the thought of Mike confessing that he had liked the younger boy as well. But then he quickly stopped himself from thinking that. There was no way that the boy sitting next to him was in love with him. It just seemed to impossible to Will.

“Oh,” Will uttered, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt. Could Mike hear how violently his heart was beating? “...What did you need to tell me then?,” he asked, secretly dreading the answer.

Mike suddenly turned his body around, so he was facing Will, and looked down at him worryingly. “Are you okay?,” he asked, his voice getting smaller as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear him.

Will thought it would’ve been something bigger than that. It was a question that the younger boy was extremely familiar with, especially coming from Mike. Will blinked, looking back at the older boy. “Yeah, of course,” he lied. Of course he wasn’t okay. Not when Mike was looking at him like that, not when they were so close to one another that he could make out the small freckles on the others face. But Will didn’t dare tell him that.

Mike exhaled softly, looking over to the side for a second, looking somewhat defeated. “We’re alone,” he stated, “You can tell me the truth.” He leaned down slightly, so he could be closer to the younger boy.

The shorter boy could practically hear his own heart beat from how close they were, and how concerned and caring Mike looked. He gulped, trying to keep his eyes on Mike’s, and not travel down to his lips although it was tempting.

“I am. I swear,” Will whispered, lying straight through his teeth.

Mike breathed out once again, his eyes falling down to his lap. He looked frustrated, and sad. Will started to feel guilty. Did he make Mike upset? He hated himself for being so stubborn. The older knew that he wasn’t gonna get Will to tell the truth, no matter what he tried. Although he knew that the shorter boy was, in fact, not okay, it still would’ve been nice to hear it from Will himself.

They sat in silence for a moment once again. Mike hesitated before speaking up again. “When’s the last time you ate?,” he asked all the sudden, looking at Will tenderly, and carefully, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable.

Will internally panicked. Had Mike found out that he wasn’t eating properly? He tried to hide the surprise and panic on his face, but his mouth fell open at the sudden question. “Uh, this morning,” he responded quickly, (maybe too quickly) coming up with the first lie that came to his mind.

“Really?,” Mike asked, raising an eyebrow at Will’s response. It was obvious that he didn’t believe him.

The younger boy tried to steady his breathing feeling. He couldn’t help feeling like he was being interrogating, even though Mike was being nice. The topic of food was sensitive for him, and he hadn’t expected Mike to bring it up. It threw him off. “Yeah, why?,” he asked, lying once again. It was just lie after lie. When was he ever telling the truth?

Mike bit his bottom lip, and looked down for a moment, finding it hard to meet the other boy’s eyes. He was fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of everyone...,” he said, trailing off and hesitating before continuing. “But recently, you’ve just been looking skinnier than you usual... And today you almost passed out... and when I caught you, I was surprised at how light you were,” he stated, feeling bad for making Will uncomfortable. But he couldn’t just let this go. It worried him tons, and he didn’t want anything bad to happen to the boy. He softened his voice, letting the younger boy know that he wasn’t trying to sound demanding.

Will was visibly shocked. All the color drained from his face, and his mouth fell open again. His eyes widened, and he dug his fingernails into his skin. Was it suddenly getting harder to breathe? He didn’t speak. He didn’t dare. He couldn’t find the words. Mike had found out about how he wasn’t eating. Will didn’t think that the older had been paying attention to him, but it seemed he had been.

Mike noticed immediately that Will was uncomfortable, and upset. He felt even more guilty. He hated himself for making the younger feel bad. “I was just wondering,” he was quick to say, trying to make Will feel better. “I’m not trying to press you or anything. I was just worried, that’s all! I just care about you and wanted to make sure you’re taking care of yourself,” he stated, trying to reassure the younger.

It took a moment for the younger to compose himself before answering. “I’m okay. I’m taking care of myself. I swear, Mike. Please don’t worry about me. I’m telling the truth. I wouldn’t lie to you,” he said, lying once again. He looked at the other carefully, trying to convince him that he was okay. It hurt him to lie to the black-haired boy.

Mike stared at him for a moment, as if studying him for any cracks in his armor that he kept up. “You’re my best friend. You can tell me anything, okay? Are you sure you’re taking care of yourself?,” he asked one last time, trying to get through to him.

“Yes. 100% sure.”

The taller boy let out a big breath, finally deciding to let the topic go. He didn’t want to make the younger any more upset than he already was. He would bring it up another day maybe, when the atmosphere was less suffocating. “Okay. Okay, I believe you,” he said, nodding his head.

Will exhaled, and let his body relax. He was relieved that the “interrogation” was finally over. He hoped that Mike truly did believe him and he wasn’t just saying that. Either way, he was thankful that the boy across from him ended the painful conversation.

A few minutes of silence passed between them. Comfortable silence.

Suddenly, Mike spoke up. “Hey,” he said to Will, looking over at him and smiling innocently. The other boy met his gaze, and butterflies flew inside of his stomach. “I’m really glad I became your friend,” he stated sweetly, beaming at the boy across from him.

It was true. He really was happy that Will had walked into his life. Even though he knew that he himself could be an asshole to the younger, he truly did appreciate Will. They had made so many cherishable memories together, and the other boy never failed to put a smile on his face.

Will’s heart warmed up inside, and he could feel his face heating up. He ignored the pain that the word “friend” gave his heart, and smiled back at the other. It was crazy how just one look from Mike could brighten his mood. He was absolutely, utterly and completely in love with the older boy.

“Me too,” the shorter boy responded, his voice peeking up. He smiled warmly at Mike, happy to be in his life.

Surprisingly, Mike reached out and grabbed the younger boy’s hand gently. Will’s breath hitched, taken aback by the sudden action. His heart immediately started to race at the feeling of the other’s skin on his. Mike ran his fingertips lightly over the younger’s hand. He looked down at their hands, in some type of trance. Finally, the black-haired boy laced his fingers through Will’s.

“I love you,” Mike suddenly said, looking up at Will and smiling brightly at him.

Goosebumps ran all over the other’s body, traveling from his hands all the way up to his arms. He thought he could’ve died right then and there. Those 3 words. They seemed so simple, and short but it meant everything to Will, coming from Mike. He fell even more in love with the other boy, if that was even possible. He wished that he could stay in this moment forever.

Will’s eyes fluttered softly, traveling over Mike’s face. His gaze fell down to the other’s lips, and he considered kissing him for a moment, leaning in and pressing his mouth to the others. But he knew that he would never be able to do that. Eleven was the only one the black-haired boy would share kisses with.

“I love you, too,” Will whispered.

But deep down, his heart hurt knowing that Mike did not love him the same way that he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like it so far!! let me know what you all think! 
> 
> do you guys have any questions?


	4. A FRIEND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (NOT PROOFREAD) sorry that i haven’t updated in a while. i got unmotivated because no one commented on my last chapter, and i worked really hard on it... anyways, here’s a new chapter! let me know what you think! any theories?

School was one of the many things that Will dreaded.

Not only did he hate waking up at the crack of dawn, and having to spend the whole day doing extreme amounts of work. But he also despised having to be around people who absolutely hated him. 

He didn’t know why everyone disliked him so much, calling him names and trying to start fights with him. Maybe it was because he was so small, and short compared to the other boys his age. Or maybe it was because he was an easy target because of his dark past - how everyone thought he was dead, but then suddenly he came back. 

Despite all this, he didn’t understand why that made it okay to bully him relentlessly. He already beat himself up inside for being so different from everyone. That was enough. He didn’t need anyone else making fun of him and saying that he was worthless when he already said those things to himself.

It just made things worse. Everyday, after enduring all of the dirty looks and rude words thrown at him, he would go home and finally let it all out. He held it in at school, biting his lips and shaking from how bad he wanted to sob - he knew that if he actually cried at school, people would bully him even further. So that’s why when he got home, he would lock himself up in the bathroom, turn on the fan so his mom couldn’t hear him, and let out everything that he had held in all day. 

Of course, he didn’t tell his mom about all of this. She knew, that in the past, Will would get bullied at school. But the young boy had reassured her that they didn’t do that anymore. Obviously, he had lied to her. The bullying had gotten even worse, and it made it hard for Will to even lie anymore. Sometimes Joyce would ask how things were going at school, and everytime, Will just wanted to break down in front of her and tell her how ruthless, and mean the kids at school were to him. He wanted her to hold him in her arms, and tell him that everything was gonna be okay. But he knew that he could never do that. If he did, his mom would just start worrying about him again, and he didn’t want to be a burden on her. 

Even though he hasn’t wanted to come to school today, his mom forced him out of bed and made him go. All he wanted to do was lay in bed, and sleep the whole day away. He didn’t have the motivation to do anything. He was exhausted - dark circles under his eyes, and constantly yawning. 

His insomnia had caused him to only get one hour of sleep. He had stayed up the whole night feeling paranoid. This often happened though. Every night since he had come back from the Upside Down, he would always have this weird feeling inside of him, like someone was watching him. He felt that the Shadow Monster could possess him again at any minute, so he was always extremely careful. Sometimes even the slightest of sounds made him jump, and look behind his shoulder. It probably was annoying to the people around him, but he couldn’t help it. He had been through so much. 

“Will!,” he heard someone yell all of the sudden. 

He snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of a familiar voice. Will had been staring blankly at the things inside of his locker, deep in thought. He turned his head in the direction of the voice, and was met with the face of his friend, Chris. 

Will had first befriended Chris a few months ago, when the younger male at first came back from being possessed by the Shadow Monster. It was a time in Will’s life that he had tried to erase from his memory since it was so dark, and scary. The bullying at school was at it’s worst - people hitting him, throwing things at him, and even going as far as to threaten him. Will had felt so hopeless, and lost. He felt that he had no one. Everyone was against him. 

And that’s when he met Chris. 

He remembers the day so clearly in his mind. He was sitting by himself at lunch, something that he was used to doing. His other friends didn’t have the same lunch time as him, so he was more subjected to bullying from other students. His friends were usually the ones standing up for him, since he was too afraid to himself. 

It had been a bad day, worse than usual. One of the upperclassman had tried picking a fight with him, and it ended in Will getting a black eye. His lunch had also been stolen by this one kid named Matthew, who thought it would be funny. I guess it was too, because everyone had laughed hysterically at the defenseless, small boy. 

He was sitting at his lunch table, just staring down at it. He was biting his lips, trying to stop himself from crying. He wanted to so bad - he felt so stupid and childish. But he kept it in, because he knew that if he did, the other students would just get a kick out of it, and he was trying to hold onto the little bit of dignity that he still had. He played with his fingers nervously in his lap, a habit that he picked up when he was anxious.

Will was in deep thought, his mind darkening every second when all of the sudden, someone appeared in front of him. 

He looked up, and was met with an unfamiliar face. The boy in front of him was smiling warmly down at him. He looked slightly older than Will - his hair was a dark brown, and it was tousled in different directions. It looked like he had just rolled out of bed, to be honest, but he somehow worked it. He had a oversized t-shirt on, and baggy jeans. Will thought that he had seen a tattoo on his arm, but it was just marker. The boy was obviously taller than him, kind of lanky looking.

“Hey,” the other boy spoke up. His voice was very deep, and matured. It intimidated that younger boy in a way, since his voice was so small and high. “Can I sit here?,” he asked simply, smiling. 

Will was stunned, frozen in his seat. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t bring himself to answer. Who was this? And what did he want from me?, Will thought to himself. This was probably some prank that his friends made this guy do. Cause who would actually want to sit next to him? Everyone had been so mean to him, so it was hard to believe that someone was actually being a decent human being towards him. 

When Will didn’t answer, the other student took it as a sign to just sit down himself. He pulled up a seat beside the smaller boy, and laid his tray down onto the table. He turned towards Will with a warm, welcoming smile on his face. 

He held out his hand, and introduced himself. “I’m Christopher,” he stated, “but everyone calls me Chris.” 

Will just stared down at his hand for a moment, surprised by the other’s actions. Was he actually being nice to him or was it some sick game? It was hard to tell anymore, since people did this to him so often. He didn’t know who to trust anymore. 

Even though Chris looked like a nice guy, there was something off about him. He seemed cool. Way too cool to be hanging out with Will. His smile was very inviting, and welcoming but he still intimidated the young boy. Chris seemed way too chill, and popular. Just the way he carried himself showed gave off so much confidence. Will knew that he shouldn’t be judging someone because of their looks because he had been through that himself. And anyways, this Chris guy seemed to be pretty friendly. And he could use a new friend. 

Hesitating, he reached out and accepted the other boy’s handshake. He took note of how rough, and calloused Chris’ hand felt. “Will,” the younger boy said in response, realizing that it was dumb to introduce himself since the other male probably already knew who he was. Everyone did. 

Chris laughed lightheartedly. “I know,” he said, amused. Will immediately felt stupid, he had already made a fool of himself. The taller boy recognized that because he then added, “I saw you sitting here alone so I thought you could use a friend.” 

“This isn’t a joke, is it? ‘Cause I’m fed up with people acting like they wanna be my friend just to make fun of me,” Will let out, wanting to make sure. He still didn’t fully trust this Chris guy. 

The boy next to him shook his head immediately, denying the accusations. “No, no,” he reassured the younger boy. “I actually want to be your friend. I’m not like those other guys, I don’t make fun of people to make myself feel better. All of them are insecure about their own lives so that’s why they bully others,” he said passionately. 

He seemed pretty legit, like he was telling the truth. Besides, Will could use a new friend. He had had the same friends for years now, and even though they were really sweet and amazing, he wanted someone new to hang out with as well. And here Chris was, right in front of him. I might as well give him a chance, he thought. Nothing can be worse than it already is. 

And that’s how their friendship started. That day in the cafeteria. 

Will and Chris’ friendship was quite weird, you could say. They could hang out with each other all day, and not say a single word to each other but somehow, it didn’t bother either of them. Things were never awkward between them, and their friendship just flowed together in an odd but beautiful. 

Sometimes Chris would disappear days, weeks, or even months at a time - like he went off the face off the earth, no trace of him to be found. Then he would appear again out of nowhere with no explanation as to where he went. When this first started happening, Will would ask him countless times where he went but Chris never gave him an actual answer.

The younger boy knew that Chris had family issues, so maybe that’s why he disappeared a bunch of times. But something told him that that wasn’t all of it. His new friend was a very odd, and mysterious person. The funny thing was that Will and Chris were total opposites. The only thing they really had in common was that they both didn’t have that many friends. Chris loved to skate, and he spent most of free time at the park doing just that. He rarely went home, staying out almost all night, every night and just riding around town and being by himself. Will had asked why he never wanted to go home, and the other always responded with the same thing, “My parents are fucking assholes. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to be there with them either.” That always shut Will up quickly.

Will’s other friends had suggested that Chris was a bad influence on him because he was “dark, and rebellious.” But the younger boy didn’t really see the problem. Sure, his friend was pretty defiant and disobedient, but he never pressured Will too do anything that he wasn’t comfortable with doing. And that’s what he loved about Chris so much - he made Will feel safe, and he never felt judged by the older. 

Chris felt like an older brother to Will, always joking around with him, like siblings do, but also acting extremely protective of him. He knew that most of his friends didn’t like Chris that much, but he didn’t care. He liked Chris, and that was all that mattered. The shorter boy thought that, if anything, his friends should be happy for him since he rarely made friends. But it seemed like they weren’t very fond of his new friend. 

He loved hanging out with Chris, even though they rarely did since the older disappeared so often. It always felt so chill and fun when they were hanging with each other. It made Will forget about how much his life sucked when he was around the other boy. 

About a month ago, the taller boy had did another one of his infamous disappearing acts. And Will couldn’t contact him in any way possible. It made the younger boy pretty sad, and he wondered if the older would ever come back. He was getting pretty tired of Chris leaving him all the time, and not even giving Will a heads up that he was going to be gone for a while.

So that’s why Will was surprised to see Chris standing right next to his locker, greeting the shorter like he hadn’t been gone for a whole month. 

He stood, stunned, staring up at his friend. No matter how many times Chris had done this, it never failed to surprise Will when he came back out of nowhere. 

“Earth to Will!,” he exclaimed, waving his hands in front of the shorter boy’s face. “You there?,” he asked, waiting for a response from his friend. 

Will sighed, snapping out of it, and turning his gaze away from the older. He resumed in putting his stuff away in his locker. “What do you want?,” he asked, not trying to hide the annoyance in his voice. 

He was fed up with Chris’ disappearing acts. Each time he did it, he felt like the taller boy was leaving him for good. He felt like some type of toy, like he wasn’t worth the other’s time.

Chris looked shocked, he pulled back slightly and his eyes widened. He froze for a minute, surprised at the younger’s tone. Will had never talked like that to him before. “Woah,” he said, laughing nervously. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Back from one of your trips again?,” Will asked, paying no attention to the other, and continuing to put his things into his locker. Will slammed his book down into his locker a little too aggressively, causing the other to jump. 

“Uh,” Chris started to say, rubbing the back of his neck and looking around. He was still shocked at the younger’s attitude. He didn’t know what he had done wrong. “Yeah,” he responded simply, completely oblivious.

Will didn’t respond to him, and just kept stuffing the things into his locker. He was so tired and exhausted today, and the last thing he wanted to deal with was Chris and his excuses and lies. Even though, deep down inside he was joyful to see his friend again after such a long time, he was still mad at him. He usually didn’t get frustrated at the other, so that’s why he felt kind of guilty for it. 

Chris picked up on his behavior quickly, and just watched the younger boy practically throw his books into his locker, in confusion and astonishment. Will being upset with him was such a foreign thing, and the taller boy was taken aback. He didn’t know what to say to make the other feel better. He racked his mind to try and find something to say, but his thoughts were a mess. He hated seeing the smaller boy so mad at him. 

“So, uh,” he started to say, clasping his hands together. “How are things going with Mike?,” he asked, wanting to change the subject.

Will froze immediately, a frigid feeling running down his spine. He had been in the process of shutting his locker, but he stopped halfway. He hadn’t expected the older boy to bring up his crush all of the sudden. 

Chris was the only person who knew about his crush on Mike. He had told him impulsively one night when they were hanging out. He couldn’t help it. Before he could stop himself, he just let it out. And it felt good to tell someone. And especially someone who he looked up to so much. Chris had been extremely accepting of the younger boy, and that made Will love him even more. He felt that his secret was safe with Chris, he trusted him greatly. 

“What?,” Will asked, snapping his head towards the other boy. He was took off guard, and slightly upset that he had brought up Mike all of the sudden - a subject that Chris knew Will was sensitive about. And especially around other students who loved to bully him. 

The taller male looked around them quickly, and leaned down closer to Will. “You know,” he whispered, so that no one could hear him. “How are things going with Mike? Have you made any progress?,” he asked, curious since he hadn’t spoke to the younger in so long.

He stared at the older boy for a moment, confused and annoyed that he had brought up Mike suddenly - when it was already clear that Will was not having a good day. He felt the sudden urge to go off on Chris, and curse him out for bringing up his crush, but he stopped himself. He realized that he was being unreasonable. He was already having a bad day, and he didn’t want to take it out on the older boy. Will should be happy that Chris is even here now, since the other was obviously happy to see him. 

He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a moment, cooling himself down before responding. “Nothing has happened,” he muttered, looking down at the ground sadly, his mood darkening. “It’s the same old thing.” 

Chris’ expression softened, and he sighed at how defeated the younger boy looked. He hated seeing Will so sad all the time. It broke his heart. He wanted to be the person to put a smile on the shorter’s face, but it was difficult to when he was a mess himself. He knew that he always let Will down, and he hated himself for it. Chris wanted to stop lying to his friend all the time, but there was some things that were better kept as secrets.

“Aw, I’m sorry, Will,” he sighed genuinely, feeling bad for the younger boy. He disliked how Mike treated Will, like he was some type of toy. He played with his emotions too much. Chris laid his hand gently on the other’s shoulder, trying to comfort him.

Will looked at the older boy, feeling himself warm up inside at the feeling of his hand resting upon him. He could never stay mad at Chris for too long, he just had that effect on Will. He shrugged and let out a big breath, closing his locker all the way. “It’s no big deal,” he said, trying to brush it off. But it obviously was a big deal. “I’m used to it now.”

Chris exhaled, and stared at the younger boy, feeling hopeless. He didn’t know what to say to him to make him feel better. The taller knew that he wasn’t that good of an advice giver since he had his own deal of problems that he needed to solve, so he decided to keep his mouth shut.

He tried to change the subject onto a brighter note. “Hey,” he said, piping up and smiling brightly down at the younger boy, “Do you have any plans tonight?” 

Will furrowed his eyebrows, thinking about it for a second. “No, why?” 

“Wanna hang out?,” Chris asked, hoping to spend some time with the shorter boy and find a way to cheer him up. He wanted to help him take Mike off his mind. “I know I’ve been gone for a long time. I’ve missed hanging out with you... so what do you say? Do you?,” he asked, hoping that he’ll say yes. He really did miss being around Will. He was one of the only friends that he had. 

Just when Will was about to answer, a familiar figure appeared in front of him. His heart skipped a beat when he locked eyes with Mike. He hadn’t seen him since that one day at his house. He remembered how the black-haired boy had laced his fingers through his own, and the feeling of his soft skin on his. He remembered how soft, and caring his voice was when he said “I love you.” Will wondered if Mike remembered the memory as vivid as him.

Probably not.

“Hey, Will,” Mike greeted, smiling lightheartedly at him. 

Only two words was all it took for the smaller boy to melt inside. Every time he saw Mike, it never failed to amaze him how beautiful he was. Chills were sent all through his body at the sight of the soft smile on the taller boy’s face, that was directed at him. The taller boy was doing the bare minimum, yet Will was head over heels for him. Shit, he thought, I’m so in love. 

He snapped himself out of it, realizing that both Mike and Chris were just staring at him awkwardly, waiting for an answer. He shook his head, cursing himself for making a fool of himself in front of his crush. “Hi,” he said, simply. He didn’t know why, but he felt more nervous about Mike than he usually did. Maybe it was because the only thing he could focus on was the feeling of the black-haired boy’s skin on his. 

Mike smiled at him again, before turning his gaze over to Chris. The smile on his face faltered slightly when he saw him. Will took note of that - he knew that Mike didn’t like Chris that much, claiming that he was an unreliable friend. Sure, that was true but Mike wasn’t completely innocent either. 

“Oh, Hi Chris,” he said, side-eyeing him a little bit. He didn’t try to hide the slight annoyance of the older’s presence. “Look’s like you’re back again,” he stated, looking him up and down. 

The tension between the two of them was unbearable. Will but his lip as he looked between both of them as they stared each other down. Chris didn’t like Mike that much either, so the feeling was mutual. 

“Yep,” Chris said, popping the p. He crossed his arms, not really caring about what the black-haired boy thought about him. He knew that Mike was trying to get under his skin. “Nice to see you, too.”

They looked at each other in silence for a moment, as if they were having a competition as to who could stare at one another the longest. It was kind of comedic, Will thought. But it was also pretty awkward for him, just standing there and watching his best friend and his crush passive aggressively fight with each other. 

Mike was the one to break away first. He sighed, rolling his eyes, and turned his attention back to Will. “Anyways,” he said, clasping his hands together and taking a deep breath. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the movies with me tonight?,” he asked the younger boy, smiling warmly.

Will perked up at the invitation, his heart immediately warming up. “Just the two of us?,” he asked curiously. Right after he said that, he regretted it, thinking that it sounded a little too weird to ask someone who’s your friend. But luckily, Mike didn’t pick up on it.

He shook his head. “Yep,” he reassured him, “Only us.” 

Will was about to say yes, of course he’d like to hang out with Mike. He barely got to be with the taller boy alone, since Eleven was always tagging along to everything. But then Chris’ nudged him on the shoulder, and coughed. 

“Oh,” Will muttered, realizing that Chris had already asked him to hang out later tonight. 

The small boy thought about it for a moment. Who should he say yes too? His best friend or his crush? Will loved spending time with Mike, and he made him feel so warm and light inside. And the black-haired boy rarely invited him to anything so this meant a lot to him. Also, the two of them would be alone. And that was also rare. 

But on the other hand, Chris had asked first. And he hadn’t seen the older boy in a month. He had missed hanging out with Chris. Every time he was with the taller, it was always a good time, and he never failed to make Will happy. He also didn’t know when Chris would disappear again, it could happen any minute. Plus, he wanted to take his mind off of Mike - even if it was just for the night. 

Will made his decision, turning back to Mike. “Uh, sorry Mike, but,” he started to say, stuttering. He felt guilty for saying no to him, when he had seemed so excited to hang out with him. “I’m actually hanging out with Chris tonight. I haven’t seen him in so long... so that’s why,” he said, rubbing his arm nervously, feeling guilty. 

“Oh,” Mike muttered, his face visibly sinking. His gaze fell down to the floor for a moment, before looking back up at Will with a weak, obviously fake, smile on his face. “That’s okay. Maybe another day?” 

“Yeah,” Will said, the corners of his mouth turning up. “Of course,” he whispered, hating to make the taller boy sad. 

Mike looked around for a moment, his hands gripping onto the straps of his backpack. “Well,” he started to say, “I guess I’ll go now. See you later, Will,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment. He didn’t want to make Will feel bad about not hanging out with him. 

“Yeah,” the younger boy muttered, still feeling guilty. “See you,” he said, his voice softening as he watched Mike wave at him, and walk away in the other direction.

Will hoped that this was worth making Mike upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that i haven’t updated in a while. i got unmotivated because no one commented on my last chapter, and i worked really hard on it... anyways, here’s a new chapter! let me know what you think! any theories?


	5. CRAZY WHAT YOU’D DO FOR A FRIEND

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of self-harm  
> NOT PROOFREAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading!! remember to comment for if you want! leaving feedback really motivates me <33

By the time school ended, Will just wanted to go home and take a long nap. He needed it, he deserved it - for getting through another long day of school. School for him was always a hardship. Not because of the work - he was actually a very smart and gifted kid, but because of the students around him. He never knew that high school kids could be so ruthless and harsh. The small boy was an easy target for everyone, being unusually short for his age and skinny. He barely had any muscle in his body, that was just how he was built. He couldn’t help it, and he hated himself for it. He was always a very nice, and shy teenager - making it easy for people to take advantage of him. They always teased him, and called him horrible names that he wouldn’t ever think of calling anyone. 

No matter how rude, and vile the other students were to him, he never snapped or tried to pick fights with them. And that was for many reasons. He was way too scared to stick up for himself, afraid to draw unwanted attention to himself and he was sure that even if he tried to stand up to the bullies, they would win. And that would just lead to more bullying - making things worse than they already had been. 

Will had tried to change himself multiple times to try and fit in with everyone else, but it always led to him being more depressed and sad. No matter how much he disliked himself, he didn’t think he could ever truly change. He would always be that awkward, shy kid who was a target for everyone else in the school. 

He had always knew he was different from everyone else. Right from when he started school. He had started to notice that the other kids around him were so talkative and extroverted, while he was usually sitting in the corner of room by himself, reading a book. He was always super quiet, and introverted. He never spoke unless it was necessary - coming from an extreme case of social anxiety. 

Will had always felt that he should be doing what other boys his age do - play sports, get girlfriends, do all the crazy things that he heard they do. But every time he tried to do those things, it always ended in him being sad, and upset. It never failed to bring his mood down, so he just gave up. He was too short, skinny, and awkward to play any type of sports - or at least that’s what everyone at school told him. And he believed him. They had a way to get into his brain and manipulate his thoughts, making him think that the cruel stuff they said was right. That was another thing he hated about himself - being vulnerable. It was simply a curse; he felt like his mind was playing games with him all the time.

He had thought about trying to get a girlfriend multiple times; so he could cover up the fact that he didn’t even like girls - he liked boys. But he knew that no girl would like him anyways, and he didn’t want to use them. He didn’t think that anyone deserved that, because he knew what that felt like. He couldn’t pin-point the exact moment he found out he had liked boys in a romantic way. He had always found some boys handsome and attractive, and he felt so wrong and gross about it. Why can’t I just like girls like a normal person?, he had thought to himself multiple times. The small boy had dealt with his own internalized homophobia many times. 

Even though he found a lot of boys cute, and was intrigued by them - he thought that his first real crush was Mike. He could remember the exact moment were he realized that he had liked his best friend, and not in the way that friends usually liked each other.

It was one dark, and stormy September night. The clouds were painted across the dark sky, and no stars were able to be found. It was raining - the sound of the water splashing lightly onto the ground echoing through Will’s household. There was also lightning in the sky, every now and then, a bright flash would appear, and light up the room. And followed by that was a huge clap of thunder. Will used to love storms - he liked to go out onto the porch and watch the beautiful colors light up the sky above, and listen to the soft sound of rain hitting the concrete. It used to be calming, but now Will hated storms. Every since the Upside Down, he was greatly frightened by all the loud sounds and darkness. It was like one of his nightmares come to life. That was another thing he was ashamed of; what teenage boy was afraid of some little storm? If the other students found out, they would bully him endlessly. They’d get a kick out of it. 

Him and Mike were both 12 years old, very young and innocent. Back then, things were simpler. There was no pain, or pressure to be like everyone else. They were just kids, and fitting in was the least of their worries. They just loved having fun - playing games, and living their best childhood. But that was before all of the horrible, traumatic things happened to them both. Will wished he could travel back in time to relive those days were he was happy, and careless - not a problem in the world.

Mike had been spending the night at his house after hanging out at the mall all of the day. It was always a good time when he hung out with the older. His mood always seemed to brighten around him, a big smile never leaving his face. 

They were laying in bed, facing each other. Back then, they both thought nothing of it. They didn’t know that is wasn’t normal for boys to lay in the bed with one another. It was simply innocent, nothing weird about it. But thinking back to it now, Will thought that people would think he’s gay if they found out he did that. The TV was on, the soft light illuminating the room. The volume was on low, so quiet they could hear the sound of each other’s breaths. All the lights were turned off, and the blinds were shut. Him and Mike both used to like the dark, it was always more calm and serene that way. 

It was late at night, and their eyes were both heavy with sleep. They didn’t say a word to each other, they didn’t need words. They just needed each other. They both stared at one another, as if studying their faces. Only a little bit after, Mike’s eyes started to flutter shut and he fell asleep. But Will, on the other hand, was wide awake. 

His mind was running with thoughts, all mixed up and different - telling him different things. Even though he was tired, his thoughts were keeping him up; refusing to let him sleep. As he looked at his best friend, laying next to him, he couldn’t help but admire him. Mike’s beauty was different from other boy’s, Will thought. He wasn’t handsome, or hot - No, he was beautiful. Pretty even. He wondered if he could find a boy pretty. If so, he was sure Mike was it. Everything about him - from his starry, glossy eyes to his curly, thick black hair that looked so soft and full. Will’s eyes traveled all over Mike’s face, admiring all his features. He had never really studied his friend’s face up close. Had I ever realized how attractive Mike was till now?, the small boy thought to himself. His eyes found his lips - they looked so plump, and soft. He wondered what it would feel like to lean in and kiss him. Then he paused.

Why is having the sudden urge to kiss Mike, his best friend? No, he shouldn’t be thinking like this about his friend. Who is a boy. Boys aren’t suppose to like other boys. I’m suppose to like girls, he thought to himself. Will tried to think back to when he had a crush on a girl, he pondered his mind deeply, but it was useless. He had never had a crush on a girl. Sure, he had thought plenty of girls were cute, but he could never see himself dating one. 

He shook his head, and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shake the feeling. But when he opened his eyes again, that feeling was still there. He knew he shouldn’t be looking at his best friend this way - admiring how beautiful and alluring he looked, his eyes wondering slowing over all of Mike’s features, lingering on his lips. He realized that he didn’t just think his friend was attractive. Other feelings started to rise towards the surface, feelings that scared him. 

Will wanted to reach out and grab Mike’s hand, hold it tight in his own and lace their fingers together. He wanted to feel the warmth of them, and know the feeling of how they fit together. He wanted to lean in and tenderly put his lips on Mike’s and kiss him softly. He wondered what his best friends lips tasted like, then tried to get that thought out of his head. Why was he feeling this way all the sudden? It might’ve been how close they were, laying next to each other in bed or it could’ve been that earlier that day, the taller boy was being quite flirty with the younger - complimenting him subtly and doing simple, small things to take care of him. 

He didn’t know. His mind was a mess, and all he knew was that he was confused. Will had never had a crush on a girl, much less a boy. And it was even more worse that said boy was his best friend, someone who he had known since Kindergarten. This new feeling was so foreign to him - the feeling of his heart beating so fast he was afraid it was going to come out of his chest, his stomach feeling so light he thought he might’ve lifted up out of bed and flied up into the sky. 

Even though he was only 12 years old, he knew that being gay was wrong. People in his town didn’t accept people who were different so easily, and he was just that. Different. He remembered how his brother and mom had told him that it was okay to be different, and that he was unique in his own way. But now, as he stared at his best friend so lovingly, a way you usually wouldn’t stare at a friend, he second-guessed his mother and brother’s words. Was it okay to be different? He didn’t think so. People weren’t nice and inviting to people who were gay, and Will knew that well. 

That was the moment that Will realized he had a crush on Mike Wheeler, his best friend. And from there on, it was been a long and hard trip for him. So many things have changed since then, but his love for Mike never wavered. He still felt so deeply in love with his friend, that he was sure he was always going to suffer this way. He knew that the black-haired boy wasn’t gay, and he definitely didn’t like Will. He had Eleven - a sweet, pretty girl who he was sure that Mike was in love with. You could tell by how longingly they looked at one another, so much love and care in each other’s eyes. It was the way Will looked at Mike, wishing that Mike looked back at him the same way.

But he knew how it went. The guy gets the girl. And then the one person gets left alone, chasing after the guy. That person was him. And he absolutely hated it. He tried to stop loving Mike, but it wasn’t that easy. He was so far gone, so in love, that he thought he would always feel this way. Mike would get married to some girl, and  
Will would still be pining after his best friend, wishing he was the one who Mike had decided to spend his whole life with. 

He tried to not think about that though.  
It only invited to dark thoughts into his mind and he already felt sad enough as it is.

Will was always quiet in school, trying to not draw attention to himself. He wanted to shrink, became tiny, so that no one would be able to see him. He wanted to disappear, not be visible to anyone. But the students at school never failed to taunt and bully him - calling him harsh names and talking behind his back. They yelled cruel words at him - “fag”, “fairy”, “zombie boy.” He sometimes worried that they actually knew his secret, that he was gay. But then he realized that they couldn’t, the couldn’t possibly know it. He hadn’t made it obvious, or at least he hadn’t tried to make it obvious.

As he got older, and the days passed on, he realized that being gay was okay. There was nothing wrong with loving someone of the same sex was - love was love. If God was real, he loves everyone no matter who they are. Being gay wasn’t a choice, Will couldn’t help that he was in love with his best friend. No matter how hard he tried to like girls and get over Mike, his mind always drifted back to his friend. Will knew that his heart was with him, and it always would be. Whatever your sexuality or gender was, you deserve to be loved and accepted. The small boy knew that. The people around him were just judge mental, heartless human beings who were too worried about other’s people’s lives than their own. Will thought that they were probably raised wrong. He was glad that his mother raised him right though. 

Somehow, he had managed to stay clear of the bullies today at school. It was almost odd, since no one came up to him and yelled horrible words at him. He was so used to the same routine - getting bullied ruthlessly everyday, starting from right when he entered the building to when he left it -, that it felt weird. Shouldn’t people be talking behind his back and spreading mean rumors about him? But nonetheless, he was happy about it. It made school just a little more bearable. 

The day was still long though, seeming to drag on forever. He was exhausted by the afternoon, and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep. He didn’t want to go anywhere, or hang out with anyone. He didn’t feel like socializing. He always felt like this though, it wasn’t just this day. Will never wanted to leave his house, and hang out with his friend. He preferred being by himself, soaking in his own thoughts and misery. He was always so down, and sad - he didn’t want to burden his friends with his mood swings. He knew that he would ruin their fun, and that would just make him feel even more upset and guilty. Even though he hated sulking by himself, he hated going out and pretending to be happy even more. It was such a task, it took up so much energy that he didn’t have to spare. So that’s why he always chose to stay home.

The short boy’s friends were worried about him. They knew that he lied to them most of the time, making up excuses as to why he needed to stay home. But they rarely confronted him about it, afraid it would make him more upset. They knew what he had went through, and they didn’t want to send him overboard. Will was a sensitive, sweet kid and he was hurt easily. Sometimes they wondered when he would snap, yell at them or tell them to fuck off. That’s what they were scared of. They wanted Will to know that they were always there for him, ready to comfort him and be by his side. 

Even though his friends knew that their friend was small, and sensitive, they also knew that he was strong. People underestimated his strength; he had been through so much and he was still breathing. That’s why they trusted Will to get through this, they knew he was strong enough to do so. 

Even though Will was exhausted, eyes heavy with sleep, he remembered that he had promised Chris that they would hang out together tonight. Maybe he could take a quick nap before they hung out, so he could recharge himself. He wanted to be happy for Chris. They hadn’t seen each other in so long, so he wanted to show his friend that he was doing better. Chris knew that Will had been depressed for a while now, and the younger boy wanted to at least pretend he was doing okay now. He hated seeing people worry about him, but he especially hated it when Chris was concerned about him, since he was so protective over the shorter boy. He recalled that one moment when these three boys at school tried to pick a fight with Will, and Chris practically punched them all across the face and beat them to the ground. The principal stopped him before he could do it though. 

He appreciated Chris standing up for him, but it made him feel even more weak, like he needed someone to protect him and solve his problems. But he knew that if Chris hadn’t been there that day, Will would’ve been beat the shit out of and he would have been sent to the nurses office and made the laughingstock of the whole school. 

Will finally reached his house, parking his bike in behind the back of it. Lucas and Max has offered to ride home with him, but he ultimately refused. He thanked them, and came up with an excuse. In reality, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. He was glum, and tired from the long day of school. Usually, Eleven rode home with him, since they lived in the same house but today, she went home with Mike. 

Will remembered how his heart sank when Mike invited her over to his house, smiling with blissful happiness. There was that feeling again. That feeling of pure jealously and envy as he looked at Eleven. Why couldn’t he be the one Mike looked at like that? Hadn’t the black-haired boy just invited Will to the movies just earlier this morning? But now it seemed as if Mike wasn’t even paying attention to the younger boy, his eyes never leaving Eleven. He hated this. It happened all the time; a never ending cycle. Mike would act like he cared about Will, giving him his attention and love, and then go right back to Eleven, acting as if he never even cared about Will in the first place. The short boy felt like trash, a toy even - something that his friend only used when his girlfriend didn’t need him. This was how he knew that Mike didn’t love him. He was treated like shit, most times the small boy was invisible to the taller boy. It angered him to no end, but he tried to conceal it. He could get through. No, he would get through it. 

He tried to shake those thoughts out of his head as he opened the door to his house, and laid down his keys on the kitchen table. His mother and brother weren’t home yet; both at work. He liked these short periods of time when it was just him in the house, giving him time to let out his emotions and pain without anyone being around. Most days, he locked himself in his bathroom and cried softly - recalling all the bad things that had happened at school, all the names and things yelled at him by other students that day. 

But today, he didn’t have anything to cry about. He was just exhausted from the long day, and all the school work. He groaned as he started to feel a headache come on, rubbing the sides of his forehead. He walked towards his room, not even bothering to take his shoes off, and plopped down onto his bed. He shut his eyes, trying to stop his thoughts from running wild. They usually did when he was trying to rest, that’s why it always took so long for him to fall asleep. 

Surprisingly, not long after he close his eyes, he could feel him himself drifting in and out of consciousness. Finally, his mind cleared and he fell sound asleep. 

***

Will’s eyes fluttered open slowly, yawning with sleepiness, and stretching out his arms. He gaze drifted over to his alarm clock, and his eyes widened as he saw the time on it; 7:36 pm. Shit, he thought, he was suppose to meet Chris at the skate park at 6:00. He had slept in too late; an hour and a half to be exact. He jumped out of bed, suddenly wide awake, and combed with hair done with his fingers, trying to tame it. He didn’t even bother changing out from his school clothes, not wanting to be even more late. 

He left his room, and stepped into the kitchen, to see his mother and brother sitting at the table - reading the newspaper. Joyce looked up from her paper, pausing what she was reading, when she saw her son. 

She smiled comfortingly, the way she always did with Will. “Well, hello there, sleepy head,” she laughed. “How was your nap?”

The corners of Will’s mouth turned up slightly. His mother always knew how to brighten his mood, making him feel just a little bit better inside. “It was good,” he answered, grinning. 

He rubbed the side of his head, wondering how to tell his mom that he was going to hang out with Chris. He hadn’t even asked her if he could, he just said he was. “Uh, hey, mom?,” he spoke up suddenly. His mom looked up at him, and nodded her head, showing her that she was listening. “Can I go hang out with Chris? He just came back from a... trip and we haven’t hung out in a long time. I was suppose to meet him at 6 but I slept in...,” he asked, hoping that she would say yes. Will knew that his mom was hesitant to let him go outside late at night by himself. 

She contemplated it for a moment, thinking deeply. Joyce knew that her son was more upset than usual lately, and he had been isolating himself from his friends. She was surprised to hear that he was actually going to hang out with one of his friends, and she knew that Chris was a good guy. “Sure, sweetie,” she accepted, deciding that it was a good thing for him to socialize. “But be home before 9:30, okay?” 

Will was shocked that she was allowing him to leave the house, but happy nonetheless. He smiled brightly, his heart warming inside. “Really? Thank you so much, mom!,” he exclaimed, walking over to her and hugging her tightly. 

Joyce laughed lightheartedly, hugging him back. “No problem,” she stated. “Make sure that Chris takes you home before dark, and have fun, okay?” 

“Okay, mom,” Will answered thankfully, he was happy that his mom was allowing him to hang out with Chris. 

With that, he said his goodbyes to his mom and his brother, then left the house, getting onto his bike and staring on his way to the skate park.

***

It took him about 15 minutes to ride to the park. He knew the route like the back of his head since him and Chris always hung out at the same spot. They rarely hung out at one another’s houses. The older boy had been to Will’s house only a few times and Will had never been to the taller boy’s house. Chris had never invited him over, he barely even talked about his home life, and the younger didn’t feel comfortable inviting himself. He didn’t mind though, he liked hanging out at the skate park. It was chill, and he felt pretty cool being there. 

When he finally made it, he dropped his bike, and jogged over to the actual park,  
scanning for Chris. He had started to worry that Chris had left him, but then Will spotted him. He was sitting on one of the high ramps, legs dangling over the side of it. He had his skate board next to him, and he was looking down at the ground sadly. He looked defeated, and tired - probably exhausted for waiting for Will to arrive. The younger boy felt guilty as he looked at his friend. He didn’t want to be the cause of his sadness.

“Chris!,” Will started yelling as he ran over to the boy. At the sound of the younger boy’s voice, Chris snapped his head up. When his eyes landed upon him, a big smile spread across his face. His mood changed in the matter of seconds.

When the shorter boy finally reached him, he held his hands out and Chris grabbed him, helping him up the ramp. He reached the top, and took a seat down next to him, dangling his small legs over the ramp as well. 

Chris looked over at him, amused and confused. “So, what took you so long?,” he asked, smirking as if something was funny. 

Will sighed, feeling bad that he had made him wait. “I slept in,” he answered, staring down at the concrete ground. “Today was exhausting. I’m sorry...”, he said, looking over at Chris hesitantly. 

Chris stared at him for a second, his eyes lingering, before smiling, and resting his hands on Will’s shoulders in a reassuring way. “Ah, don’t worry about it. I was only waiting for awhile,” he stated, but the younger boy could tell he was lying for his sake. “Anyways, how was school?,” he asked, trying to change the subject.

Will let out another big breath, and laid back on his hands, relaxing. “It wasn’t as bad as it usually is,” he said, closing his eyes shut for a moment, taking in the calm silence. “No one called me names or anything, but it was still really boring. As school always is. I was about to fall asleep in almost every period. That’s why I took such a long nap when I got home,” he told him, recalling the long day. 

“That’s good, I guess,” Chris commented, looking back at him. He hated when people called Will harsh things. If they actually knew the boy, they would know that he was a really cool, and funny guy to be around. He felt such a sense of protectiveness when he heard that the younger boy was getting bullied. “And yeah, I don’t blame you. I fall asleep almost everyday in school. It’s so boring... I’m too dumb for all that work.” 

“Yep,” Will nodded, agreeing with everything he was saying. Although, Chris barely even went to school. The small boy was surprised that his friend wasn’t kicked out by how many absences he had. “What about you? How was your school day?,” he said, looking over at him.

Chris pulled out a cigarette from his pocket, and lit it with the lighter in his other hand. He put it gingerly between his skinny, long fingers and took a long drag of it. Will hated seeing his friend smoke, but he knew that there was nothing he could do about it. It was Chris’ decision, and the younger boy had tried many times to try and convince Chris to stop, but it never worked. Chris was too stubborn, and he was pretty sure that he was addicted. The taller boy was only a year older than Will, 16, and he was already damaging his body so much. From doing drugs, and smoking, to drinking. Although he did all this stuff around Will, Chris never pressured the shorter boy or made him feel like he had to do it. In fact, Chris had told Will to stay away from drugs and alcohol. The small boy wished that his friend would follow his own advice, but he knew Chris had weird, unusual ways of coping with his problems. It was his choice.

“Eh,” Chris said, taking drags of his cigarette as he talked. “I skipped.”

Will titled his head to the side, confused. “What?,” he asked, puzzled. “I thought you were there this morning?”

He nodded. “Well, yeah. I was there in the morning,” he commented, looking down at the ground blankly. He looked back at Will, who was still leaning back on his hands. “But I left in the afternoon.”

“Oh,” the shorter boy simply said. “Why did you decide to leave though?,” he asked, curious. It was nothing new that Chris skipped school. He always did, and he usually didn’t even have a reason. He just claimed that it was boring and “a waste of my time.” 

Chris exhaled deeply, and put out his cigarette, grinding the butt of it onto the ground. He then proceeding to roll the sleeves of his green flannel up, revealing his wrists. They were both covered in scars, bruises and cuts. Reds and purples painted across his wrists. 

Will snapped forward, eyes widening at the sight of his friends exposed arms. He gasped, grabbing them without thinking, impulsively, and examining them. He was shocked. Even though he knew that Chris coped in odd ways, he would’ve never thought that he cut himself. His mouth was agape as he looked up at his friend.  
He couldn’t believe this. A weird feeling grew within his body, something he never  
felt before. He was worried. Worried about  
his friend, who had been hurting himself without even telling him. 

Chris watched as Will held his wrists, looking down, shocked. He didn’t feel anything. He was numb from emotion. He didn’t tell people that he hurt himself, because he thought that people would think he’s stupid or a freak. He was afraid that that was what Will was feeling towards him right now.

“I got called down to the office today,” Chris continued to say, as Will looked up at him, shock displayed across his face. “Someone must’ve found out that I hurt myself and told the teachers. The counselors were trying to help me and everything. You know, asking all kinds of personal things. I didn’t tell them bastards anything though. Kept my mouth shut. They ain’t ever done anything for me,” he laughed, as if what he was saying was humorous.

But Will was shell-shocked. How could he be laughing right now? What was funny about this? His wrist was so covered up with cuts, and scars that it was hard to find a clean part of his skin. This wasn’t just something he had done over night. No, it was something that he must’ve done over a long period of time. How had Will never noticed before? Thinking about it, his friend only really ever wore stuff that covered his arms. He used to never think about anything about it, but now he was aware of it. 

“How can you be laughing right now?,” Will asked, completely and utterly shocked at how happy, and careless Chris looked right now. This is something serious that you shouldn’t be joking about, the shorter boy thought.

Chris shook his head, and covered his arms again, pulling his sleeves back down. “‘Cause it’s funny,” he stated, grinning and looking over at the boy next to him. Chris could tell that Will didn’t find it funny at all. “Like why do they even care? It’s obvious that they’re just pretending to care. God, I hate teachers. I can’t wait to get out of this school.”

Will looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed, completely confused. How can Chris be acting like this isn’t a big deal? It is. “This isn’t funny. You hurt yourself. It’s serious,” he said, worry filling his voice. He wanted to get through to Chris. 

The older boy was silent for a moment, just looking at the younger boy. He could see how worried and concerned he had made Will, and he immediately regretted even showing him that. The last thing he wanted to do was make the younger boy upset. 

“Hey,” Chris said, softening his voice, and not laughing anymore. He laid his hand onto Will’s shoulder again in a reassuring gesture. “I’m fine, okay? It’s no big deal,” He tried his best to make the younger feel better about the situation.

The smaller boy turned his body in the other’s direction quickly. “How is not a big deal? You’re literally harming yourself. And it’s not even just cutting yourself!,” he exclaimed, eyes widened. He couldn’t help himself, he was extremely upset and it felt like Chris didn’t even care. It was as if he failed to see the seriousness of the situation. “You’re also smoking, doing drugs, drinking... and now, I find out you’re self-harming! You’re slowly killing yourself, and you don’t even care!,” he yelled at him. He barely ever raised his voice at anyone, but he was so frustrated and worried in the moment.

Chris was shocked at Will suddenly yelling at him, he had never heard the younger get so fired up and mad. He regretted everything he had just told his friend. He hated being the reason that Will was upset. He couldn’t stand seeing his friend this way. He hated the feeling of people of worrying about him. He wasn’t used to it. The taller boy had no one in his life who really cared about him. His dad was an alcoholic, and drug addict and his mom was abusive and controlling. They didn’t care about him. He practically raised himself, and he didn’t need anyone. He could do everything himself. He was just fine being alone.

The older boy took another deep breath, and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He tried to collect his thoughts, and try to find something to say to calm the younger. “Listen, Will,” he said, his voice low and soft. “I’m doing okay right now. I’m actually feeling better than I usually do. I haven’t done anything to myself in a couple of weeks...,” he was lying, but he did a good job of it. Will looked like he had believed it. “I promise I’ll try to stop, okay? ...For you,” he stated, trying to sound as convincing as he could. He needed to reassure Will that he would be fine, hating to see his friend so upset and worried. 

Will’s expression softened, and his muscles visibly relaxed, shoulders slouching. He still looked a little worried, and sad but he believed Chris. He trusted his friend in keeping his promise. He knew that the older boy was strong, and independent. He could get through this,  
Will knew that he could. 

“Okay...,” Will mumbled, still a little uneasy. But deciding to trust the older.

They stayed silent for a moment, both of their minds running with different thoughts. Chris swung his legs over the ramp, and played with his fingers mindlessly. Will stared blankly at the ground, his mind wandering off. 

He had never really thought about hurting himself. Sure, he thought about it, but he never really thought about actually doing it to himself. He had a huge fear of pain, and even though he been through so much of it, it never failed to frighten him. He didn’t understand why people did it either. How would self-harming yourself make things any better? Wouldn’t it make things worse? Will hated himself, most definitely. His life sucked, everyday felt like some battle that he was too weak to win. But he never thought about hurting himself. He thought it would make things suck even more than they already did.

“Does it hurt?,” Will blurted out, without thinking twice about it. He realized that after he said it, it could’ve been triggering to Chris and regretted it. 

Chris looked over at him, confused. “What?” 

“Like, hurting yourself,” he muttered, hesitantly, playing with the sleeves of his shirt. “Does it hurt?” 

Will was scared that he might’ve overstepped some boundaries, but Chris didn’t look very fazed by the question. He just looked off to the side, thinking for a moment before answering.

“Well, Yeah,” he answered, nodding. “Of course. If you’re inflicting pain on yourself, it’s gonna hurt,” he said, simply. Will still found it odd how calm Chris seemed. Maybe it was just a facade - probably.

Duh, Will thought to himself. That was a dumb question. Obviously it would hurt. He felt stupid for asking that, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt nervous for some reason.

He spoke up again, hesitant this time. “How do you do it?,” he asked, afraid to meet the other’s eyes. He knew that he probably shouldn’t be asking such personal and possibly triggering questions, but he couldn’t help it. He was too curious.

Chris looked over at the younger, confused as to why he was asking so many questions suddenly. But he didn’t have a problem with answering them. “Uh... I don’t know,” he said, trying to think of the ways he hurt himself. “A bunch of different types of ways. I don’t feel like naming them,” he said, simply too lazy and tired.

“Oh,” Will said, his voice was oddly soft and low. He stared blankly at the ground below him. He felt weird, like he was half here and half not. 

He pondered his mind, asking more questions. “Does it make things better?”

Chris furrowed his brow, and studied Will’s face. He was puzzled as to why he was asking all these questions, when just a moment ago, he was yelling at him. “Eh, not really?,” he said, not really sure. Did it make his life any better? “I mean, life still sucks so... yeah.” 

Will nodded, pursing his lips. He didn’t say anything though, words couldn’t find him.

“Why?,” Chris asked, suspicious of the younger boy. He found it odd that the other boy was asking so many questions about it suddenly. “You’re not thinking about doing it, are you?,” he asked, staring intently at the shorter boy.

Will snapped his head up in Chris’ direction, and shook his head quickly. “No! No, of course not! I was just curious,” he said, reassuring the older boy.

“Oh, okay,” Chris said, nodding and turning his attention back to the ground. He knew that Will had been through a lot in his life, more than his own self had been through, and he knew that the younger boy had been feeling really down lately. No matter how hard Will tried to hide it, Chris could read him like an open book. He knew how depressed, and down the other was currently. And when you’re hopeless and heavy-hearted, you do stuff to yourself that you never even imagined you would ever do. It’s just that urge to actually feel something, to distract yourself from reality. Chris knew all about it, and he was just staying cautious.

They were silent again for a few minutes, soaking in the calming silence. It was going to be dark in an hour or two, and then they would have to go home and be by theirselves, something that they both enjoyed. But they would rather hang out with one another, always enjoying each other’s company.

After a few moments, Chris spoke up. 

“I think I’m gonna leave again,” he said suddenly, hesitating. His voice was a small whisper. He had worked up some courage to say it, knowing that the younger boy would probably be upset.

Will’s head snapped in Chris’ direction, his whole body turning with him. “What?,” he asked, surprised and shocked at the sudden declaration. “You just got here!  
You can’t leave again!,” he exclaimed, feeling himself getting worked up again. 

Chris gazed at Will, feeling bad for making him so upset. He knew this would happen.  
His heart hurt, pains spreading through his chest. “My parents want to send me to a mental hospital. I don’t wanna go. I can’t, Will,” he whispered. His eyes were glazed over, tears feeling his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

Will had never seen Chris cry before, never seen him so vulnerable. It was such a foreign thing for the younger boy to see. Chris always put up this persona that he was so strong, and didn’t feel anything. It was so odd to see silent tears roll down the other’s cheeks slowly. He looked so sad, so hopeless. 

Will felt himself start to cry, hot tears escaping his eyes and traveling all the way down his chin. He didn’t want his friend to leave. He was one of the only people he felt he could actually talk too. “No! You can’t leave. I don’t want to lose you again!,” he sobbed, letting the tears and emotions run wild. He couldn’t bear the thought of Chris leaving his life again. He hated when this happened. It just made everything worse.

Chris didn’t say anything, he just stared at the other, feeling his heart hurt inside. He hated this feeling, but he couldn’t fight it. Tears rolled down his cheeks, dripping all the way down his chin, and staining his clothes. He wanted to leave so bad, he needed to leave; escape all of this. But he couldn’t stand the sight of Will crying right next to him. He hated everything about. He was suppose to be the one putting a smile on the younger’s face, but here he was; being the cause of his tears and sorrow. 

Chris’ eyes travel all of the younger’s face, taking in every small detail. He admired everything about him - from how his smile brighten every time he saw him to howl the way his hair blew softly in the wind, falling in all the right places. He looked longingly at the younger, his eyes lingering. 

The atmosphere between the two of them had changed, and they both sensed it. Will stared back at the older, a puzzled look on his face. He was confused. He wanted to say something. Speak up, he thought to himself. But words couldn’t find him. It was dead silent, only the sound of passing cars in the roads. Will wanted to look away, but he felt locked under the other’s gaze. 

And without warning, Chris leaned in and smashed his lips against Will’s. 

The shorter boy gasped, pure shock running through his veins. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to act. His mind was running wild with thoughts, different emotions flooding in. His heart beat so fast and so violently, he thought that Chris could hear it. He froze in his spot, unable to move. He couldn’t process what was happening. 

Chris’ lips felt soft on his, and he tasted of cigarettes and alcohol. The kiss was awkward, the older boy holding Will’s face tenderly, while Will just stayed frozen in his spot. The younger boy had never kissed anyone, and he wasn’t expecting to get it anytime soon. And especially not from Chris, his friend. Had he liked me this whole time and I was just oblivious?, Will  
thought. He tried to ponder his mind and find any signs that the older had a crush on him, but he couldn’t find any. He did a good job or hiding it.

Will didn’t know how to feel. He hadn’t ever kissed anyone before, and especially not a boy. He had never thought of Chris that way, he was always just a friend to the younger. Sure, he was handsome. He was very good-looking, no one could deny that. But he never felt the way he felt when looking at Mike when he looked at Chris. 

Mike. The younger boy recalled all the moments he talked about his crush on Mike to Chris, how supportive and encouraging he was. He probably had felt so sad, and upset when he talked about him, but he never showed it. Will felt guilty, probably making Chris feel upset all the times he mentioned Mike. 

Before Will could pull away, Chris did. He looked at the younger boy, tears still falling down his cheeks. His hands left from Will’s face, and fell weakly down by his sides. Chris looked so sad. The shorter boy had never seen him this way, and it pained him. 

The older looked shocked at what he had just done, his mouth apage. “I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered, his voice barely audible. He got up from his spot in a hassle, grabbing his skateboard and jumping down from the ramp. “I-I have to, uh, go,” he muttered, his face and shirt soaked with tears. He looked so guilty, regretting everything he had just done. 

And with that, he ran off in the other direction and left. 

Will let him leave, unable to find any words. He was stunned, the taste of his friends lips still lingering on his own. He stared at the blank spot next to him, where Chris was just seconds ago. He was frozen in his spot still, muscles tense. He couldn’t process what just had happened. It all happened so slow yet so fast. All different thoughts ran through his mind. He was so confused, and he could feel a headache coming on. 

His eyes watered as he looked the Chris’ empty spot next to him, heart beat still going fast. 

Little did Will know; that was the last time he would ever see Chris again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading!! remember to comment for if you want! leaving feedback really motivates me <33


	6. TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: self-harm, mentions of suicide and an eating disorder!!
> 
> read with caution. it was graphic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update!! so sorry for the wait guys :( but thank you for the support! it means a lot! feedback keeps me motivated!!
> 
> just to let u guys know, if the writing sounds familiar, i borrowed part of it from one of my other books cause i really wanted to update as quick as i could :((

It had been a week.

A week since Will last saw his best friend, Chris. 

A weeks since he kissed him. A week since he saw that his friend had been hurting himself. A week since he last felt a little bit of happiness. 

He should’ve been used to it – Chris leaving and disappearing, since it happened all the time. But he couldn’t help but feel weird. Something felt off. It was like there was a knot in his stomach that wouldn’t untie. And no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, he couldn’t let it go. Maybe it was because of the conversation they last had together. Will recalled his friend telling him that his parents were trying to put him into a mental hospital, and he remembered seeing Chris’ eyes water as tears fell down his face. He had never seen the older male cry before, and the sight was so foreign... so weird that he couldn’t shake it off of his mind.

Will also remembered how Chris had leaned in and connected his lips with his own. He recalled how tenderly his friend’s rough hands had gripped the sides of his face, and how he tasted like cigarettes and alcohol. He felt weird, knowing how his friends lip’s tasted... maybe that’s why he had an odd feeling about him running away this time. Had I scared him off?, Will thought. Did I make him mad? Was it all my fault? 

It probably was, since everything usually was his fault. Will couldn’t help feeling guilty, a voice inside of his head telling him that he was to blame. He had made his best friend run away, and now he didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. 

Ever since Chris disappeared, there had been a visible decline in his happiness. Even though he was already down in the dumps, he had sunk even further into this dark depression that he couldn’t escape from. He didn’t know it was possible to get even sadder than he already was. 

Everyone had noticed too. He rarely hung out with his friends, always making up the most unbelievable excuses to avoid going out. On the rare times that he did hang out with the crew, they would bombard him with questions like, “Are you okay?”, “Is something wrong?”, “Whats bothering you?” And of course, Will always answered with the same reply; “Yes, I’m okay. Don’t worry”, even though he knew that is was clear that he was lying. 

Faking happiness had gotten hard. He used to be able to do it without even blinking, making it extremely believable. But now, as that anchor of darkness clung onto him harder than ever, it was a task. It was obvious that he was lying, and his friends saw right through him. But they dealt with it, knowing that Will was a stubborn boy and wouldn’t give in so easy. They worried about him deeply, but they didn’t know what else they could do expect ask him is he was okay, and offer their help (which he always declined). They figured that he would get better soon.

But the small boy knew that things would never get better, and he would just have to live like this. He would have to go through every day feeling like shit. He was used to it now though, waking up and doing everything on autopilot. He felt like he was in some type of trance, half-there and half-not. 

And he couldn’t help feeling like a burden on everyone. He felt that he was some type of disease, spreading his darkness around to his friends and ruining their happy moods. He was a dark cloud raining on everyone’s sunny day. He knew that his friends probably thought he was annoying, always quiet and headstrong. He hated himself for it. He thought that his friends would be better off without him; Maybe that was the reason why he turned down their invitations to hang out. That, and he just didn’t have any energy. He found it hard to even stay awake most of the day, countless nights of not getting any rest catching up to him. He just wanted to stay locked up in his room by himself, and waste the day away. 

His friends made that hard though, always calling his phone and asking if he wanted to hang out. He knew that they meant the best, and were only trying to make him feel better but he couldn’t help but feel annoyed. His emotions were fucked up, and he found himself getting easily irritated. He appreciated it, but he wish they would stop. 

Mike was the worst out of them all. 

He would call the younger boy repeatedly, until he was forced to answer the phone. Sometimes, Mike even showed up at his house uninvited and check up on him. Ever since that talk they had, the black-haired boy had gotten even more worried about Will, noticing how skinnier and paler he was getting by the day. The taller knew that he was being annoying but he couldn’t help being worried about Will. He missed the younger boy’s smile, and craved to hear the harmonious sound of his laugh, that he rarely heard anymore. He just wanted to make Will happy again knowing that he had been through a lot. It hurt his heart knowing that his best friend was in pain. 

But what Mike failed to notice was that part of the reason the younger boy was in pain was because of him. How could he not notice that I am in love with him?, Will asked himself often. His heart stung every time he saw the older boy and his girlfriend lock lips. He hated it. He wanted to be the one kissing Mike, and holding him. Why can’t that be me?, he thought. A sense of jealousy and envy washed over him every time he saw the two together. He felt his heart shatter a little more everyday at the sight of Mike and Eleven being in love. 

But he knew that he couldn’t blame Eleven or Mike. They didn’t know that he had a crush on the black-haired male. It wasn’t their fault. But he couldn’t stop himself from being frustrated at Mike. He was so oblivious. How could he not know? Sometimes Will just wanted to slap him, and tell him how stupid he was. He made the small boy so mad, but somehow, he still found himself falling in love with him more and more everyday. It sucked. He wished he didn’t like Mike. He hated staying up countless nights and crying about him, wasting his tears on some boy he would never get. 

He knew it was stupid to spend so much of his time thinking about Mike, and dreaming about how it would be if they were actually together. But here he was, in his room, late at night when everybody else was asleep, reminiscing about the black-haired boy. 

He wondered about how the older boy’s lips would feel against his. Would they be soft? Cold? Warm? He wondered about what kind of dates they would go on together, and how Mike would treat him... He thought about how the older’s body would feel against his as they cuddled close to one another. But he tried to stop himself, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut. That was wishful thinking. It was no use dreaming about things that would never happen. It just made things worse. 

Instead, his mind shifted to a dark place. 

He would do anything to feel better again. He just wanted to feel joy, and laugh and smile like he used too. What did I ever do wrong to deserve this?, Will thought. All this pain, all the sleepless nights spent hating myself, and wondering what’s wrong with me... The small boy wanted the ache in his heart to stop. Why can’t he just be happy again? 

All of the sudden, the last memory of him and Chris flashed into his mind. Will remembered how his heart had stopped when he saw the red marks on his best friend’s wrist. He remembered the feeling of shock and concern slap him in the face. How could the older boy do that to himself? How would hurting yourself make you feel any better? Chris had said that it didn’t help anything, so why did he do it? 

Maybe he was lying, so Will wouldn’t do it. Maybe it did actually help, but Chris had been worried that the other would try it. He knew that the older boy had been going through a hard time just like him... 

After a few moments of staring at the blank wall, he stood up. His feet felt light under him as he moved almost mindlessly to the bathroom. It was as if the younger boy didn't even realize he was doing it, his mind in a daze. 

Will shivered as his bare feet hit the cold tile floor. He flipped the switch on, and was almost blinded by the LED lights that turned on above him. He turned slowly to the large bathroom mirror in front of him. And he was shocked by what he saw reflecting back at him.

Who was this stranger looking at me?, he thought. Dark circles were painted underneath the small boy’s eyes, evidence that he hadn't been getting much sleep. His lips were an odd shade of white, and cracked, as if he’d been actually sick. He stared into the mirror, expressionless, no emotions running through his mind. He reached up slowly, and touched his face. His skin was pale, and cold, his fingertips spreading goosebumps down his whole body. 

Will was drowning in his sweater, looking like a small child who had been shopping in the adult's section. Prominent bones jutted out of his hands, and wrists. He cringed as he looked at them, thinking that he resembled a skeleton. Hesitantly, he lifted up his shirt, revealing his abdomen. The boy’s heart beat fast in his chest as he examined himself in the mirror. His ribs were painfully visible, protruding out of his stomach. He reached up once again, and ran my hand over them gingerly. He cursed myself for secretly liking the way it felt as he trailed his hands across them. 

The boy wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He yearned to feel something again. Every time he tried to bring myself to feel happy again, it made things worse. Nothing could make Will feel something again. He was numb, completely stunned and senseless. His heart ached as he wondered what he had done to deserve this. Why me out of everyone? Millions of questions flooded into his mind as he stared at his reflection. Why am I such a disappointment? 

Should I just kill myself? Would that make things better? There would be no more pain. Everything would be okay then. He could finally rest in peace, no more living his life in anguish. He wouldn’t be a burden anymore, making his friends feel guilty and bad. He wouldn’t have to spend countless days and nights pinning over a boy he couldn’t have... 

He wanted to feel something. No, he needed to feel something. Anything. His thoughts were dark, bad things running through his mind. He tried to block them out, but they were so persuading, and persistent in his young mind that he couldn't ignore them. 

His eyes drifted down to the drawer of the sink counter. Lifting up his hand slowly, he opened it. He shuffled his hands through the very back of it, pushing things out of the way and making a mess. Finally, he saw the shiny, silver gleam of the blade. Will’s hands shook as he carefully picked it up. When it was secure in the palm of his hand, he stared deeply at it. The short male’s mind was dark, and scary. Toxic thoughts ran through his mind. The devil was sitting on his shoulders, daring him to do it. It would make things better. You could actually feel something. 

He listened to the voices inside of his head, wondering if they were true of not. This incredible, unbearing weight on his shoulders — would it stop if he did this? Would all the pain, and numbness halt? Could he actually feel something again? he would do anything too feel some type of emotion again. Anything. 

Without thinking about it any further, Will rolled the sleeves of his sweater up, staring down at his pale, clean skin. He brought the sharp blade up in the other hand, it still violently shaking. His palms were clammy, sweat building up on them from how nervous he felt. He held the sharp object over his wrist, it hovering just a few centimeters over his skin. Do it. It will make things better. Come on, just do it already. 

Will squeezed my eyes shut tightly, taking in a shaky breath. Hesitantly, he put the blade to his wrist, and drew it across his skin. He hissed in pain, clenching his teeth as red started to appear on his pale skin. He took another deep breath, trying to calm himself down. His arm stung, pain spreading through his veins. That's good. Just like that. Now, do it again, the devil looming over his shoulder whispered to him. He told Will to do it again, reassuring that it would make things better.

So he did, dragging it across his wrist once again. Drops of blood hit the white tiled floor, as red dripped down the small boy’s arm. His breathing was heavy and unsteady, filling the silent atmosphere of the room. His heart beat fast, pattering against his chest. You're so fucking pathetic. Look at you, his mind yelled at him. Look at what you've become.

"Shit," he muttered in pain as he kept drawing the sharp metal object across his skin. Red soaked onto the sweater, staining it. Blood rolled off his arms, and onto the cold bathroom floor. 

A single tear drop rolled down his face, as he watched myself drag the blade across his wrist over and over again. Soon, Will’s arm was covered with lines of red. When he finally brought himself to stop, he stared down at what he had done. His once clean skin was now filled with cuts. The blade fell out of his hand, onto the floor. He couldn't believe what he had just did. 

The short male’s lip quivered as he started to cry, tears rolling down his eyes. He stepped back until he hit the wall, and slid down it, his legs giving out beneath him. His heart paced violently in his chest, and his wrist stung with great pain. He felt absolutely worthless. He was so lonely – he had no one. Maybe he had his friends, but he knew that would all leave him soon and forget about him. 

Will was losing hope quickly, and he found it hard to really think of any reasons as to why he should live. Really, what was the point? So what if he died? That's only one life out of seven billion people. If he died, everyone would eventually get over it, and go on with their lives. The world wouldn't quit spinning - it wouldn't stop. 

He had really lost himself.


	7. SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry it’s been a while since i updated!! i’ll try to be more consistent with my uploads!

“You got some chocolate on your face, Mike,” The short-haired girl said sweetly, laughing lightheartedly as she looked at her boyfriend with sparkles in her eyes.

He looked down, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her comment, searching for where the spot was.

Eleven giggled again, repositioning herself so that her legs were under her. “Silly, it’s right here,” She stated as she rubbed her thumb across his cheek, wiping the chocolate residue off his face.

He then laughed at her, a smile full of love and adoration painted upon his face. The black-haired boy loved his girlfriend with all his heart, and even the smallest of things that she did made him melt inside.

”You’re so cute,” He admired, staring at Eleven deeply, memorizing how beautiful she was. He never wanted to forget her gleaming, comforting smile.

Will sighed lightly, trying to not make it to obvious that he was annoyed and uncomfortable. He looked away from the couple, turning his attention back to the television that was playing an old romance film on it.

It was movie night with the crew – everyone chilling in the basement of Mike’s house. It was a rare occasion that Will hung out with his friends anymore, since he didn’t want his glum spirits to ruin their happy ones. When he spent time with them, he rarely had fun. Not that they weren’t enjoyable to be around, it was just that he felt out of place, as if he was the rut of the litter. Maybe it was because he felt like such a burden on his friends, like they would be happier if he wasn’t around them. He was in such a dark mood all the time, and it just ruined everything.

Will didn’t even know why he decided to hang with them today. Maybe it was the urge to feel something again, thinking that maybe if he was with people that usually cheered him up, he could feel even a glimpse of happiness. Or maybe it was because they had been worried about him recently, and he didn’t want them to worry any further. It felt weird when people were constantly checking up on him. 

He regretted it.

Because now, here he was, sitting on a tiny couch next to the two lovebirds who wouldn’t shut up. He wanted to laugh at the irony. How did he get sat right next to his crush, and his crush’s girlfriend? Seeing them all romantic and lovey-dovey with each other made his heart ache. He couldn’t stand looking at it. But it was hard to look away, when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, touching one another every second.

Will hated it, and no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he knew that Mike was deeply in love with Eleven. There was no chance that the taller male liked him. He barley even looked Will’s way anymore, let alone have a crush on him. He should just get over him, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t that easy. He wanted to hate him – hate the small freckles that were painted on his cheeks like stars, hate how perfectly his curly hair fell in front of his face, hate how perfect, and bright his familiar smile was...

How could he be so in love with someone who only brought him pain? Why was love so cruel? The world really had something against him. It seemed like he could get any wins in his life, always failing miserably at everything. He wasn’t a bad kid – he got good grades, did well in school, was nice to his family, and friends. But what did he get in return? Nothing but a dark sadness that was eating him alive. It sucked, of course, but he was finding himself getting used to it.

He had already his rock bottom, and there was no farther to fall. He was at the bottom of a well, looking high up into the small patch of light, that was too far away to ever reach. And he was stuck there, alone and trapped in his own mind - which wasn’t a good place.

He tried to ignore the couple, staring sternly at the illuminated television screen, not really paying attention to what was happening on it. Everyone else didn’t seem affected by Mike and Eleven, chewing hungrily on their popcorn and laughing at the movie. But of course they wouldn’t care, because they weren’t the ones who had a crush on the curly-haired boy.

The short boy felt uncomfortable, squirming restlessly in his seat. He curled in on himself, trying to make his body as small as possible. He pulled the sleeves of his sweater down repeatedly, not even realizing he was doing it. It had become a habit now, as well as harming himself.

He had gotten addicted to it – the feeling of the sharp pain when he dragged the metal across his skin, watching as crimson blood rolled down his wrist and onto the bathroom floor. He wasn’t proud of it, but it was the only thing that seemed to make him feel something, even if it was just more pain. In a way, it was a form of punishing himself. Punishing himself for being such a burden on everybody – a dark cloud raining on everyone’s parade. Sometimes he felt like he didn’t deserve happiness at all.

He was determined to not tell anyone about it. It was a secret that he would keep deep down inside of him, in a locked box. If one of his friends found out about it, he knew they would tell his mom, and that would be even worse.

Sometimes he thought that maybe, if Chris was here, he would tell him. But he forgot about that because his best friend wasn’t even here anymore. He had stayed up countless nights, wondering where he was or what he was doing. Why did he always run away when Will needed him the most? Did running away make things better? The young male imagined himself far away from this small town, having no worries or problems tying him down. If his friend ever came back, he wondered if he could run away with him this time – for good.

But Will was stuck here for now, and he decided to try and hold on for a little longer.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Eleven suddenly bumped into him, laughing hysterically at something that Mike had said. It’s like they didn’t even realize that Will was there, right next to them. He was invisible.

The short male had had enough. He was tired, and frustrated – he couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing the couple all in love, and happy together made his heart ache and he couldn’t just sit there like a statue anymore and watch it.

”Can you guys shut up?,” He snapped, staring in disgust at the two lovebirds, not trying to hide how annoyed he was.

Everyone stopped talking, the room falling completely silent expect for the movie that was playing on the television. All eyes where on Will now, staring at him in disbelief and shock. He had never rose his voice or gotten angry at anyone before, usually staying quiet and in the background.

He suddenly regretted it, feeing panic rise in him as everyone stared at him, eyes wide. He swallowed hard, trying to compose himself. Will hated when all the attention was on him.

Mike was looking at him, confusion and shock displayed across his face. He was wondering why his friend had gotten angry all the sudden. He was fine just a minute ago, so what could possibly be the problem?

Feeling himself about to break, Will shot up from his seat on the couch, and without saying another word, he ran upstairs. He maneuvered his way through the dark kitchen, and excited out through the garage. He was shaking, eager to escape the suffocating household. He grabbed his bike, pushing the kickstand up.

He was about to mount his bike, and pedal off as fast as he could when the door garage door suddenly swung open, and Mike appeared. Shit, Will thought, he should’ve left sooner. He didn’t want to deal with the older male, when he could feel himself on the verge of tears. Being vulnerable in front of his crush was something that he didn’t want to be.

”What are you doing?,” Mike asked, walking up to the shorter boy, alarmed at his sudden change in behavior.

Will sighed, annoyed at him. He just wanted to go home, where he could cry by himself like he always did. “I’m leaving,” He said sternly, not meeting the other’s eyes. He started to get onto his bike, ready to get the hell out of here.

Mike grabbed his arm tightly, causing him to pause. “No, you’re not.”

”Yes, I am,” The younger male said back, eyes wide. He tried his his best to keep his voice steady, even though he could feel tears coming. He tried to shake off the curly-haired boy’s hand, but it was no use. Mike was too strong, and he wasn’t letting go of him.

”No,” He replied assertively, staring down at the younger. “It’s the middle of the night, and it’s pitch black out. I’m not letting you leave.”

Will swallowed, glaring back at Mike. His heart beat fast in his chest, anxiousness filling his body. He tried not to focus on the other’s soft hand that was wrapped around his wrist, or how deeply, and serious he was staring at him. He was suppose to be mad at Mike, but he couldn’t help but admire how beautiful he looked. His eyes searched the other’s face, wanting to reach out and touch his cheeks, kiss his soft lips, run his fingers across his freckles and count how many there where...

He snapped out of it, coming back to reality. “You’re not the boss of me,” He stated, rolling his eyes. When he was under pressure, he tended to break down, and he knew that he was close to it right now. He tried to put on a strong front, determined to not cry in front of the older boy.

It was silent for a moment, the two boys just staring at each other.

Mike scoffed, frustrated and confused as to why his friend was acting so weird all of the sudden. “What’s up with you?,” He asked curiously, wanting to know what was bothering the younger. He had rarely seen him angry, or mad before – this was so foreign to him.

”Nothing,” Will was quick to reply. Mike had let go of him now, and he crossed his arms across his chest, looking down at the ground. Of course he couldn’t tell him what was wrong, he could never know.

The other exhaled deeply, shaking his head. It was his turn to get frustrated. He knew that something was bothering Will, he could always tell when he was upset. And he was determined to get to the bottom of this, before he left.

”Stop lying,” He said, seriousness written across his face. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

”I said nothing!,” Will exclaimed, raising his voice once again. He would never tell Mike the real reason why he was upset. It would scare him off, and he would never talk to him again. “Leave me alone!”

”There’s obviously something wrong,” He said, not believing one word that came out of the other’s mouth. “Why did you snap at us back there?”

Will almost wanted to laugh. How could Mike be so oblivious? How could he not know how in love the younger was in with him? He was tired of chasing after Mike, when it was obvious that he didn’t love him back. Why couldn’t he just get over him? Maybe that would make him less miserable all the time – but no, the world had something against him.

He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. He couldn’t cry, he wouldn’t let it happen. Even though he felt weak inside, he had to pretend that he was strong. “You don’t understand,” He said, taking a deep breath.

”Yeah, you’re right! I don’t understand,” Mike exclaimed, making a big gesture with his arms. He didn’t want to come off as rude or hostile, but he was just confused and in shock at his friend. “That’s why I’m asking!”

A moment of silence grew between the two boys, only the sound of rain pattering against the garage visible. The tension in the room was heavy as they stared at each other, waiting for one of them to say something.

Will bit down hard on his tongue, tasting blood. His hands curled into fists, anger and frustration swirling dangerously around inside of him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell. He was tired of being so hung up on this boy that barely even looked his way, but he couldn’t bring himself to hate him. He loved him. How could Mike be so ignorant to not notice how much the younger male’s heart was aching when he saw him and Eleven together, all happy?

He laughed, running a hand through his hair. The irony of it all was humorous to him. Mike stared at him in confusion and disbelief. How could he be laughing right now?

”You’re so fucking stupid, Mike,” He stated, as one single tear rolled down his cheek and onto the pavement below him. He couldn’t hold on it anymore, and before he knew it, he was crying.

The curly-haired boy’s mouth fell open, the confusion that was inside of him growing with every second. “W-What?,” He stuttered, flabbergasted at his friend’s comment and his sudden tears. “Why are you crying?”

Will sniffed, trying to suck his tears back up. He couldn’t be vulnerable in front of anyone, it would show that he was weak. He wiped his eyes vigorously, as if trying to make the crying stop. All he wanted to do was be alone, even though he knew that being by himself never meant anything good.

”Forget it, Mike,” He said between sobs, shaking his head. It was useless.

And with that, Will grabbed his bike, mounted it, and left without another word. He wanted to get as far away from Mike as possible, looking at him just made his heart break more.

He left the older boy standing there, speechless and more confused than ever. What was the matter with his friend, and how could he make him feel better?

**Author's Note:**

> this was just a little intro for the book!! I hope you all like it so far even though it’s only a bit of it. comments would be appreciated! <3 i write about a lot of triggering things so if you are uncomfortable with any of those things in the tags, please don’t read this or read with caution! this will be very heavy angst btw! i love angst :(


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